So, are you active online now? If so, this is sort of what I mean. If you are not yet ready to go out on a date, why have an active OLD profile? Is that not sort of like going into a restaurant, being seating at a table and then saying "oh I'm not ready to order anything today, I just wanted to see what it was like going into a restaurant so when I am ready I'll have checked it out." I felt like the waiter would in that situation. Some people will put "just looking at this point" right in their profile so everyone knew. If not, is it fair to the guys showing interest? Or just wasting time?
As to the woman I would have dated a second time, I think I showed interest - at least some level. I guess I'm just so huge on honesty Again, all she would have had to say was "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we are a match." Would that be so hard?
When I say I sent 50 to 75 emails, I mean just that. I rarely if ever just winked. All were at least a few sentences. Most were a few paragraphs. I tried all sort of things - serious, goofy, light, references to things they put in their profiles, referencing their pics, asking questions, all sorts of things. I have heard that women start out responding to everyone, as you suggest you would. They quickly get bad responses as guys don't like to be shot down I guess - still no excuse. But after a few snarky retorts, they simply stop responding at all unless they are interested.
I get I'm not everyone's match - clearly. But 0 for 50? Really? I used to think and am still told I'm reasonably good looking. I had no inappropriate photos, some with friends, one on stage, only one "selfie". I really don't get it.
Then on top of it I'd see some women for a long time. I was on and off and they may have been as well but I'd see them looking for several years or more. Obviously they were not doing any better than I was, yet no response. Oh and yes, I tried a variety of profiles. I'll bet I changed it a half dozen times - again long, short, serious, funny, a combination of all of the above. Same results
For the ones that contacted me that I said were non starters, some were much older, some were wearing clothes from a decade ago, terrible photos like they had just woken up and were very pissed off about it, lol. I don't know how to give an example but they were just not even in the ballpark of possibilities. Thing is, I did usually respond to thank them for their email.
For more "fun" OLD and other dating stories check my thread
I just finally gave up. I'm sure it's something I was doing. How could it not be? I just didn't ever figure out what it was. Perhaps it was the women I was interested in? Perhaps it's my age? I don't know. I rarely went more than 10 years younger so it's not like I was out of my age range. Most were within 5 years of me either way.
I've done better IRL - but not by much. Even there I can't figure it out. It clearly works for some people - just not me. That's why I have titled my thread "this used to be easier and a lot more fun." Because it was. I never had women lining up at my door but used to find it rather easy to date. Since my D and even more so in the last five years it's gone down hill. Finally, about three months ago, I just stopped trying altogether. If I meet someone I meet someone if not at least I'm not being rejected all the time. Same end results but less pain.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
