First time here, part 3

[leahsue]

Yes I did ask for it, and it's so good to hear from you. (I know I should have looked up your thread but I was short on time.)
Of course I don't know every detail of your sitch, in fact, no one does but you and your man. However, just from what I know, I think you need to remember what got you here, and that he is not your burden to carry through this breaking up process. If the financial problems come up for him, remind yourself that he is a grown man, and put himself in this place. No reason for you to suffer financially, on top of all the other crap he has heaped on you.
I know that seems cold. But what he did to you was cold also. I'm not into the "give what you got" mindset, but I'm also not into the "poor, sad me, look what you're doing to me financially" theme either. I think you have to do what's right for you, to prepare as if you will be alone for a while, and then, moment by moment, just DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING. It will carry you all the way home.
I think of you way more often than I post. Just know that. And you can always reach out to me.

By the way.... side note.
Since the BD, every time I think of being with anyone besides H, I have either cried openly, or at best, just cringed at the thought. I haven't seen his face since Jan. 1. So the last thing on my mind has been anyone else.
HOWEVER, yesterday, in the house next door that recently sold, there comes a man to build the cabinets, re-do the floors, etc. And as I was cutting grass, looking my VERY absolute sweatiest, unattractive self, here he comes to introduce himself. We chatted for a few minutes, and he said, I'll be here for quite a while since she needs a lot of work done inside. Just seems like a "good ole boy", which is exactly what I've always been drawn toward. Anyway, it was pleasant to note that last night, I found my mind drifting back to our meeting, and almost felt that- Hey, I could possibly still have a life out there, somewhere. It was a reassuring thought that my life and being a desirable woman may not necessarily be over forever.
Which does nothing but make me stronger, with the full realization that Sara is right, H will be an utter fool not to chase me. SMILE.