Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[skyhigh]

Just as a suggestion, I know it helps me it's to reread ...it brought some perspective on the phases/stages post replay stage and the length of each of them,

As LBS, we are so tired of that mess that we want the things to improve fast and also we have some kind of "expectations" how the MLCers should behave after they decided to stay. So reading again, those stages and the articles she wrote helps me to have a better understanding that the journey was far from being over and that my expectations didn't match reality. I had to review them, reviewing doesn't mean to lower them but it means that the path to reach them might be longer and different.

The MLCer is still very conflicted in his mind in that phase post replay and he has to grieve what he could have done, weird isn't it? Weird for us but reality for them, they have to realize that their dreams of freedom, new love and whatever they had in mind, won't materialize and they messed up instead.

I am not trying to excuse your H behavior in any way, I am just trying to provide you with tools to evaluate where your relationship stands. Tools are nice when you navigate that storm. They help to assess if the behavior can be connected to the post replay phase or not. Basically, if that MLCer is on the right path to recovery or not. Their way of thinking is not the same as the one we think it should be.

I totally share your frustration, I went through that, just a few months ago after some progress he went backward again for a few weeks then forward again. That journey is nerve wrecking. I was ready to give up so many times, so only you can know what's best for you and when. Whatever is your decision it should be yours only.

My H refused to do any kind of counseling but he is very open about his schedule, he keeps me aware of any changes, and a few other things, so I didn't get the counseling I was expecting but I got plenty of actions/changes from his part that are making feel respected, safe and cared for. Men are not really into words but rather into actions.

Keep venting it's good for you, venting helps to sort out whatever you have on your mind. I used to vent to a friend for one hour almost every day, not anymore but it helps to keep me sane and to make decisions or to defer some.