..goin' down the only road I've ever known

[DonH]

Great discussion and comments. Why do so many guys only do something after they see the other person leaving? That is a great question about human nature or at least male nature - though women seem to do it as well. The thing is, for me, I never considered D an option. Sadly that seems to be an early option for many. I heard Dr. Phil say this a few days ago - yes, I'm a dr. Phil fan. He said in 40 years of M the D word has never come up. It's just never an option. Is that not what it's supposed to be? Physical abuse and untreated addiction are possible exceptions but I thought marriage vows were supposed to mean something? For me, it comes down to communication. Had my exW said the things she said in the way she said the a year prior, I would have gotten it. Instead she kept much of it in, expected me to figure it out and then left when I didn't. I just did not consider D an option.

I know I have already said this but reinforcing what others have again said, ANYONE who comes on so strong so fast sends up warning flares for me. You have to, and I most always do, pay attention to what people do less than what they say. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That's just true. What someone has done for the past two years is a very good indication of what they will do next week. Yes, they can change but then there will be a new period to predict the future. The problem is, when we only know someone for a few months, we don't have that predictor. We don't know them well enough. Even with FF, as time goes by, we will learn much more about who he really is. Until that happens all we have is what or whom we think he is. Who someone was and how they acted two years ago is the best predictor of how they will act tomorrow. How can we predict that after only a few months. It takes time to know the real person.

Lastly, I again agree with being happy with yourself and your life before anyone else can be added. It really is too much pressure for someone else to have to make is whole or happy. I think I might be happier with someone else added but it's just the cherry on top. Even without the cherry, it's already a great sundae. Just as its said we will meet someone when we are least looking to, it may also be true that when we decide our life is very full without someone that we are ready for someone else.