I know it is hard, but you need to listen to what is being said. I didn't detach and quit "pestering" her for lack of a better term for quite some time. Did several stupid things out of fear that did not help at all.
Once I slowed myself down and started actually communicating when SHE wanted to, that is when it turned around.
when you feel that coming on, I started a journal to write it down, that helped a lot.
Don't trust what she says and only some of what she does. My W said some things that really hurt! and did things that really hurt! It is the nature of the beast at this point.
It will take a lot of time. But if you cut communication down, or stop it completely, GAL, counseling, things will turn around for you. You need to show her that you have changed, and will continue to be that person. W's need to see that for a long period of time before they believe it. you can tell her till you are blue in the face but words right now are meaningless.
