Well, I'm glad to have short (medium length) hair. It's not quite what I want, but I'll just go back to get the guy to finish it some time. It feels good, of course, to feel like I'm doing things to better myself.
As far as my situation goes, we're just taking it very slowly.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
How are you doing? Just wanted to check in on you. Hopefully things have continued in a positive direction.
Have a great weekend.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Things have been improving. She probably won't move back in any time soon. But we are currently seeing each other most days and at least talking to each other on the days that we don't see each other. I finally got her to join me in my ballroom dancing classes last week. Tonight, we are going to talk about our goals over the next few months, and how to reach those goals (her idea to do this). We are both seeing an individual counselor, and she says she will be ready to start marriage counseling soon.
Thanks for checking in, LITB.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Realistically speaking, (as in, "healthily"), that^^^ is the best possible outcome for a chance at a better & lasting marriage.
Keep at it. It will always require attention, like any garden. Keep weeding,
and be sure to Enjoy the bountiful harvest.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
To my knowledge, no one has ever reconciled "too slowly". Many have done so, too fast. Or too superficially.
In my case, we did not do the piecing enough. Looking back, I so wish my h had gotten the IC he needed to explore why he made the choices he made. What his underlying issues were/are. Because they are haunting him and our family, now.
Back then, H was selfish and at times quite deceitful. I didn't fully see all of that, b/c I could not believe it. I NOW see that he did not learn what I assumed he had from our sep.
If he had gotten IC then, he'd have either learned really valuable life changing lessons and we'd be celebrating our 36th anniversary, and hanging out with our grown children, watching our son's R develop into a marriage of his own, and see our d19 in college...
or I'd have ended things a decade earlier, in which case I'd probably be in a healthy R with a new man now. And my kids could see that instead of this ugly divorce.
(I'm "here now", and I'll be fine. )
Just urging you to use this ordeal as a tool for a whole new fuller, more deeply rewarding life.
Don't skim over the inward journey to rush back into your comfort zone.
Because we both know our comfort zones were not as safe as we hoped.
This really is an opportunity for you. You know what to do.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You've given me some great things to think about, 25. I'm sorry you're dealing with what you are dealing with right now with your husband. Marriage is hard, and so is fixing a broken marriage, or deciding to end one.
My wife seems to only want to do 2 or 3 IC sessions. I'm concerned that isn't enough, but maybe MC can fulfill the rest of her IC needs.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
You've given me some great things to think about, 25. I'm sorry you're dealing with what you are dealing with right now with your husband. Marriage is hard, and so is fixing a broken marriage, or deciding to end one. My wife seems to only want to do 2 or 3 IC sessions. I'm concerned that isn't enough, but maybe MC can fulfill the rest of her IC needs.
Wsh,
no offense okay? But I meant that you would be getting the IC you need.
From your own description of your m, she was doing the heavy lifting for a long lonely time.
Now you are making the changes she was hoping & asking for, and my concern is, not all but mostly, that you won't keep at it.
She has her stuff and she can do that in her sandbox.
Make sense?
I appreciate your sympathy. It's never easy, though it's harder when there are children involved. My girls are especially hurt by h's actions as he seems to have cut them out of his life. They will not be the same women they would have been, though how that all pans out is out of my hands.
If I could go back in time it would not only be h I'd want IC for, but me as well. Lots of things and resentments I missed, or noticed but did not attach to me.
Keep at your own work b/c no matter what, you want to know you became the man you were meant to become. Not a guy tinkering indoors or living in fear of new people or surrendering to anxiety issues, or keeping the woman you love from living her life fully, as well.
You are already charting a new course for your life. Keep on it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
What you've said all makes sense. And I hope your husband comes back to planet Earth. It is a lot harder with children involved. I can imagine. If I ever have children with my wife, I'm going to need to try even harder to make sure this never happens again, because this all would have been so much harder to go through with kids involved. It was hard enough just losing her and her circle of people. And I hated the idea of my wife having kids and a life with another man, but I'm also not going to want some other man taking care of my children at all, much less more than me (unless of course something were to happen to me), especially if this other man contributed to our breakup. I can't​ imagine having kids and having A--hole living with my kids. So, it's going to be very important to me that I keep my wife's love meters on full, for both of our sakes​.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
