I'm getting feeding the baby and super emotional this morning so bear with me. ...
I know my dad will take good care of him I just don't want to leave him. I've never left them so young before. I know he will be okay.
I know I have to stop talking to H. About anything really. Just when I saw he was calling for apartments last week and called his bank for a long time afterward it sent me in a downward spiral because I hadn't discussed anything with him R related and was being nice and attentive - the most I had been since BD.
When I asked H about the apartment he denied it so I have to prepare myself for him to do it without notice. Him being here in the home I don't feel like he's leaving and besides finding the apartment I would never think he was.
He still kisses me multiple times a day says ILY I know that's not a M but H wouldn't do that if he was done and he knows if he leaves it's over. Not trying to make myself feel better just trying to understand the apartment [censored].
Anyway last night I gave him the baby and went in my room and shut the door and cried to my mom. He was being pretty cold when he came home even when I try and just be nice. I had made dinner packed lunches etc. anyway, he ended up walking in and saw me crying. He turned around and walked out. Then he was talkativeaskibg mequestuons. I was pretty quiet the rest of the night. The boys asked us to play a game on box so we all did then I went to bed and he went and worked out.
My grandma is convinced someone is paying Attention to him at work. I had moved past that but now I'm thinking she's right. He styles his hair now. Working out again. Started taking injections to help his physique which he's never done.
At this moment I'm not going to kick him out and I'm goi g to try and drop the rope. It's going to be so hard to let him go but I know it's what I have to do.
