Who's fault is this again? Can I forgive her?

[Irish M]

Hi Job, Peace, Roist, Bttrfly, Gordie, Ownit, thanks for the visit and birthday wishes.

If they really revert back to a teen age state, it makes sense that living in a crappy basement with OM seems exciting
no responsibility just - fun drugs and rocks and roll

Yes, very sad to revert back to the teenage confusion. Its funny when i first met her she lived in her Moms basement, Full living room to herself and only went upstairs for food. I guess its her dream life come true once again.

I have noticed the same regarding living out the parent's lives (I recently posted something about the parallels).

It is eerie how much she is acting like her mom. Ownit, I truly believe we are all programmed and the way we act and handle things is purely what we learnt from mom or dad. I understand this so much and I work hard so my girls have the tools to properly deal with life's twist to hopefully avoid a crisis later on.

happy birthday

saw my favorite band tonight, The Damned - they are playing Montreal tomorrow. Last night of the US 40th Anniversary tour. Great show!
xoxoxo

I missed the Damned. It's weird there wasn't much publicity about them coming until the day of. I actually heard it from you before the radio mentioned it.
My evenings have been with the girls studying and preparing for the finals anyways. D16 needs to pick it up in 2 courses if she wants out of high school. She can do it.

Irish,

You are doing a great job at moving forward. Your XW in the basement with the OM? It's so crazy what these spouses leave behind for that elusive freedom...I still am baffled by all of it...

Sorry I don't make complete sentences sometimes, I am usually replying via Iphone. My Xw lives in a basement apartment in a few towns over. The lowest class town to the west of me. It's OM place.

What I find most hurtful and frustrating about MLC is that it takes so bloody long, some of them never come back, and those who do are never really the same. Well, how could they be, really? Depression, hormone imbalance, unresolved childhood trauma, etc ... those are pretty big things to overcome. The wreckage they create and the guilt it must generate - I'm profoundly thankful to be on the LBS journey not the MLC journey.

Yes it is frustrating. Someone just reminded me how the mind has a powerful control over it's owner. It protects itself from trauma. You get into a major car accident and most don't remember what happened. MLCr must live and breath what they do. I couldnt live with myself if i did 1/8 of what she did to my kids. Imagine seeing yourself do these things, say these things and act out. How can you accept that. Your brain clouds it up so you are protected from it. LBS we have no protection except getting out of Dodge. Worse is those who get Alzheimers and they forget their entire existence. The brain is a powerful thing.. not always a positive thing.

Your W is like a teenager, keeps pushing the buttons, hoping that one day she will get what she wants without doing any work. Eventually she will learn that this will not work and she actually needs to make some changes. I'm waiting for that day, Irish. Your Ds deserve a humble apology and a real effort from their Mother to repair what she broke.

I agree, they deserve more than just a sorry let's move forward. Teens have zero empathy. My girls talk about XW the same way they talk about the girls at school who get on their nerves or bully them. they are DONE. Only later in their early 20's will they open up to sympathy and empathy. I'm not saying they are stone cold but push them the wrong way and you better work extra hard to fix it.

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well its been a long couple of nights studying with the girls. They are excited to finish this school year and enjoy the summer. We have planned so much. Not sure if we will get to it all.

D16 have their prom this Saturday, She is nervous if XW shows up. She doesn't want her there. I wanted to email XW to ask her if she came to be discrete but not my job or care. D16 dress is amazing. So beautiful. I have her hair, makeup and nails appointments set up. Its going to be a busy Friday and Saturday.

I'll be there with my camera taking pictures of her and her friends. They all asked me to film the event too as I have =been making YouTube videos of the girls and I doing activities around town.

Let's cross our fingers for a nice Prom with no drama.

Here they do their Prom at the end of May/beginning June. Then the final exams.. Grad ceremony comes only after that.

:-) Irish