First time here, part 3

[leahsue]

Just writing for the sake of seeing it on paper.....
I'm still hanging in there with the NC. I did not return his call that I missed on Monday, then yesterday he called again and I was outside working in the yard, so missed it. I did try to call him back last night but he did not answer. My normal post-BD self would have then texted (just to not lose that contact opportunity-which probably should have been left alone), but I didn't.
I guess we are in that pursuer/distancer dance again, but if we are, then so be it. If I'm available to answer his calls, then I will. If I'm not, well then, I'm just not. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Just a month ago, we were having some really good conversations. Then after he postponed the visit AGAIN, I just got fed up. Perhaps he senses that, but as we all know, who knows? I just have to do the next right thing, one day at a time. I DO feel less taken for granted. It may blow up our chances of R, but I didn't feel good about always being available, and kind, and having no expectations. I think for all of these reasons, when the time does come for a visit, I'll be better prepared to truly be AS IF. And I wouldn't have been ready this week.

Cadence, if you happen to stop by and read this, just wondering how things are going with you.... I haven't been on here as much lately so I may have missed if you posted, but hopefully, if you haven't, that's a good sign that you are doing well. Let me hear from you!