Fight, my H cannot handle it when I say anything about the children not doing well, having a problem, etc. because I believe he thinks I am accusing him and his leaving of being the source of these issues. I only tell him things that are huge and that I think could come out in a custody battle. For what you are talking about, I would not mention that stuff to him. He felt attacked in some way and since he isn't when S when this stuff happens he really doesn't need to be there to reinforce the behavior. If you do have to tell him something "big" do so in a factual and straight-forward manner. Also, had you broached this as the caregiver is concerned about this behavior and wants us to do something about it, you are not making yourself the accuser and the source of the fingerpointing to him. Remember, in this state they cannot handle criticism, blame, or accountability of any kind.
