Gordie, you are so right. It is exhausting. I have to constantly remind myself that he is in MLC and this is just a hit and run. As Skyhigh said, I can't get my hopes up. It is so easy to do. It's hard not to attach something more meaningful to the change in behavior. But that is me projecting. And I do know better.
I feel like a fool because I let him draw me in a little this morning and it didn't end well for me. I brought up an issue about S that I (and his caregiver at daycare) have noticed recently regarding an undesirable behavior. S has been starting to tattle on other children when he seems them breaking minor rules (running in areas they should be walking, taking toys from each other, using toys inappropriately). When I spoke with his caregiver she said she has noticed it and has tried not to make a big deal out of it, but wants to curtail the behavior. So do I.
This morning I mentioned it to H. I did so in a joking manner referring to S as a "snitch." I described the behavior and mentioned that the caregiver at school also noticed the behavior. I also said I would like to notice when he does it and discourage it as I don't see this as a positive behavior. H became combative. He wasn't raising his voice, but was very argumentative. He said things like "well, what does tattle tale even mean," "when does he do this," "why is this an issue," "how do we know if this isn't just normal 2 year old behavior." He also said, why are you (meaning me) making a big deal out of it. Ugh.
I am so frustrated with H and did start to feel defensive. I felt criticized and attacked. I did my best to keep a lid on my frustration and tried to let him know that I am not making a federal case out of this issue, but merely want to keep an eye on it to keep it from getting worse. However, I don't think I did as good of a job as I could have b/c I felt defensive. I also allowed him to turn the focus of the conversation onto me, rather than S and how we should handle this.
I am a little perplexed as to why he turned this around onto me. I don't understand that behavior and the reasoning for it.
I am disappointed in myself for not recognizing what he was doing as it was happening. I allowed myself to become defensive and fell into his "trap."
[As an aside, what I really wanted to tell him was I am sorry you don't spend enough time with S to see how he behaves with other children. It's unfortunate that you don't have any interest in really getting to know S and you feel the need to turn things around on other people.]
Now that I just wrote that I am wondering if he turned it around on me because he felt defensive because he hasn't noticed this behavior?
I am also frustrated over this because all it does it make me not want to talk to H about anything. What is the point? He seems to just want to be combative and a contrarian. Since he is in this state, it all just seems pointless as it goes absolutely nowhere. He lacks insight and hasn't changed one bit. I am saying in my head "why bother?"
