It's really not infatuation, and not a band-aid. It's ridiculous chemistry, which usually only happens in Hollywood. If you drew a venn diagram of us, it would show extreme overlap, and leave just enough difference to make things interesting. Those differences are pronounced. In other people they would lead to conflict. In this case, they just make things more interesting.
I've gone from one relationship to another before, and felt the feelings before, and it's not like that this time. Not "I love you because of how you make me feel" or "I love you because you represent something." Both of us are desperately trying to find the negatives with each other because we're not seeing them.
She also knows how I feel about W. She knows more about me than is probably healthy. I have zero defenses against her, she has zero against me. I have been more "ME" in the last month than in my entire adult life. I don't have to hide who I am, because through some quirk of fate, I've managed to meet someone like me. Never had that before. Not once in my life.
Sounds like A talk, I'm sure. But I don't think it is. The analyst in me (and he never stops analyzing. Never. EVER. Since I was a kid. Not even when I sleep) basically turns off when she's around. That's never happened. Not once in my life. When she's not around, he analyzes, and usually gives up.
Scared to death of this situation. The people who know me best are telling me to stay the course on this one, because they've never heard this before. All of them know I self sabotage, and they're screaming at me not to sabotage this.
I still hurt because W is hurting. I still feel guilty about that. Won't ever stop loving her, either. Wish I wasn't in the mess I'm in.
If the chain of events hadn't happened just so, I wouldn't be. I think I'd be poorer for that, if in a less complicated life.
