Next phase: Divorce and Acceptance

[Pax_luv]

Hi DBland,
Feeling like a whiny little baby right now so I'm coming here to release (aka vent it out).

I have a really crazy work schedule right now. I've had back to back events every week and I don't have a break until August. It's my busy season. With that, it's tough to maintain the balance between my professional responsibilities and personal endeavors. I'm managing, but it gets demanding at times.

Today, I woke up sick (fever, sore throat). I knew I was coming down with something but was smug enough to believe that I was gonna fight it. I was wrong.

Worked 13.5 hours while sick in preparation for a major event tomorrow. As I was in the car leaving my office, I had a complete meltdown because I just feel so alone. More than anything, I wish I could have someone in my corner who is rooting for me. Someone who understands how hard Ive been working and is just there to give me a hug. I just want someone who cares for me and my wellbeing and is there to offer a hand even if I don't ask for it. Someone who will bring me soup because they know I'm not feeling well. I dont want to feel like I need this.... But I do want some intimacy/connection. I miss it and I haven't had it in so long.

Maybe it's because I haven't seen my dog in forever either, but it's so nice to come home from a long day and be greeted by someone who is just happy to see me. I miss it.

Honestly, I didnt have that with ex. I would be so happy to be home from a long day at work and I wouldnt even be acknowledged until he finished his video games. That's not an exaggeration. He couldn't be bothered by my presence while playing video games. And he always was playing them when I came home----- teenage MLC behavior.


So, I guess that's it. I don't want to be strong right now. There's this sense of just wanting to fall, but know there's no one there to catch me. I Just want to be and be accepted for being. It's hard being strong all the time.

Ok- that's if. Vent over. Thanks for listening. I'm just gonna cuddle up in my blanket and finish up my work.

Be well.