25--I'm so sorry you are having this moment, but it is inevitable as you work through the stages of grief.
I felt very much the same way and felt so ashamed. My IC kept telling me my H (whom she had met in session) was a narcissist, would never get better, and that I need to cut my losses, get out, and save my children. I was dumbfounded about how I could have missed that for so long. I felt ashamed and humiliated.
Apparently when we love someone we project onto them the qualities we would want them to possess. Children, even adult children, don't do this. They see people for who they are.
After this happened everyone around me came out to tell me how awful he was. Apparently my SIL told my B two years before that something was going on with my H based on his FB posts. No one told me. No one said anything to me.
You saw the man you loved. You did that because your core values tell you to love, be loyal, and to trust. That is nothing to be ashamed of. You saw the good in him because that is the kind of person you are.
Your son just doesn't want you to hurt. He doesn't understand that you have to work through this. He doesn't understand how this destroys your sense of self, your confidence, your belief in others.
You know this will pass. You will get a job. You will get resolution of the divorce. You will hear something. Your life will get better. You know that. Now, how do protect yourself in the meantime?
How do you mourn the man you loved and the life you expected to have? How do you embrace the new life that is waiting for you? I think you will do it with grace and dignity.
