Hello...can you hear me?

[Georgiabelle]

Maybell, Ginger and Sotto-thanks so much for dropping by. You all make some great points and I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.

I have some crazy self esteem issues and always have. As I may have mentioned before, I was a super achiever and had a full blown eating disorder by age 4. I was waaaaaay ahead of my time:) While not an active bulimic or anorexic, I have moments of debilitating body image distortion, and while not frequent, it occasionally prevents me from doing things...like going out or to see a friend. Crazy, I know.

I have seen my therapist twice in the last week. I feel like (and I hope I am not deluding myself) I am on the precipice of something really good. I don't know what it is. I have so much good in my life and so many things to be excited for at this time.

One thing the therapist asked me about today, was how I felt when I see x Mr. GB. I always feel bad admitting this, but here goes. I hope he finds peace, but looking at him makes me tired. I'm glad his anxiety is allegedly better, however, I want no part of any of that. I hope he finds his peace and yes, I will probably always be sad in a way that we didn't make it and my family separated as I knew it. However, I no longer have the capacity to deal with crazy or taxing. We discussed that when ANYTHING gets too complicated (and I don't mean from a life perspective. I mean more from a "we've made the situation super complex and hope it becomes less complex"), then I shut down. Big time. I actually say, "I understand. Let me know if that is a yes or no. Thanks!"

I am striving to live my life authentically. I am close, but I need some help getting there. And I will.

Sending everyone a hug and 90 degree temps with 85% humidity!