Whether it's solo activities, or group activities, it's for YOU.
Someone I've known for years gave me some great advice. He's been divorced for several years now. He said at first when you separate, you don't really know where you fit. You know who you are as a couple, but it's been so long or so much time has passed since your relationship with your spouse began that you might not remember who you were and what you liked to do as a single person.
My experience is that he was absolutely right about that.
He went on to say that it's awkward at first to try to remember the things you used to like to do before you became a couple, but to persevere. He said that we LBS then go through a phase of trying new things to see what feels right and what doesn't. He took up kayaking. He said it really brought him peace of mind. I can see where it would.
It's very important to try to remember what you used to do way back in the day. Try those things again- see if they resonate. Try something you've always been curious about but never did for whatever reason.
I spent the day Sunday volunteering at a place I've wanted to help out at for years, but never had the time and was too afraid to do it. My attitude was that any time I had went to exh and son first.
I will tell you this: My boy was picked up on Sunday morning by exh at 10am. I left at 8am to go volunteer for the day. At the end of the day I was bone tired, but happy. I'd spent the day giving back. I was with a group of people I had never met. My natural reticence held me back at first, but after a couple of people cheerfully introduced themselves, I took a deep breath and started doing the same until I'd met everyone in the area I was volunteering in. It was really hard for me to push myself to do this, but I'm so very glad I did. I will tell you that I gave my time, but what I got in return was some much needed peace. In fact, the director is happy to welcome me back every other Sunday, so on the days son goes with Exh, I will be leaving to do my volunteer work. I won't have to deal with the awkwardness of wondering if exh will choose to speak to me that day or nor, nor will I have the pain of seeing exh in his car driving away with our son, reinforcing my abandonment. I will have somewhere to be and something constructive and selfless to do which will selfishly give me peace. I wish the same for you.
The first step doesn't have to be a big, planned out event, Kyh. It could be as simple as asking a friend if they want to grab dinner or a movie.
It will help, I promise, especially when the kids are with your W.
Good luck and keep posting xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
