25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[25yearsmlc]

25,

Another old-timer coming out here (Hi, Advina!).

I've taken a lot from your recent posts - so thank you sincerely for taking the time to let us know about the next phase of your journey.

I am in a similar position to that described by you - and although in a different country, I suspect the MLC response will be the same.

Mine refused to pay court-ordered child support (which specifically detailed school fees).

He is self-employed and consistently maintained that he earned less than minimum wage (while travelling the world, holding memberships at exclusive clubs, and leasing a luxury car).

Child support agency tries to chase him, but he is too slippery.

as a L, this^^ has always annoyed me. Really annoyed me. The laws SAY we get "X" amount but if all the guy has to do is lie with impunity, who cares what the laws say?

You have to wonder if the people writing these laws knew that...okay I don't want to get too conspiratorial but this problem is NOT new


My youngest son recently turned 18 and qualified for 'Adult Child Maintenance' because he is at university.
Ex-H refused to pay, as he says he doesn't earn any money.

Son now has to sue his father via a legal-aid lawyer in an attempt to get some assistance.

how lovely for your son. Btw, my s30 is a good young man. So help me if he ever pulled this crap on his future family, yours truly would be out there in a heartbeat..."splainin' to him"

I know he won't pay, but like the outstanding child support payments, once 'on the books', in my country, these debts never disappear. If necessary, they are taken out of a deceased estate. If there is anything left when he dies, I think that's the only way my kids will see their money.

there is something to be said for having it "official" in some way. I understand and you never know, maybe there's a treasure there. In h's case, his father is quite wealthy and I DO want my FIL to know that his youngest grandchild is being cut off.

God only knows what h has been telling his family.

Our twist on Alaska is that ex-H has moved permanently to a third-world country (living in a hotel). When my son contacted him recently to give him a heads-up about his responsibility to contribute to university costs, ex-H said that he'd had to move b/c it was 'too heartbreaking for him to live in the same city as his kids (sob, sob)."

I had to read this^^ a few times to grasp it. So, your son would be NEAR his dad and so now your ex h must move??

Okay...so if I have that right, it means your x is either a criminal and or a what?? I mean, who hides from their kids?

My h ran, but I would THINK if my kids were there...well, come to think of it, h would have to hide that he's still working at the same place but hiding income.

Good grief, who did we marry?


Basically, it was a case of "Poor me, my kids don't want to have anything to do with me...I think I see them around the city all the time; I can't get them out of my mind.. I feel sad. = They have made me run away."

In his defense, when asked by S18 for some support to attend university, ex-H immediately suggested S take a gap year (he was already 5 months in to first semester) and he would pay for him to come out to Cambodia and live with him. They could travel all around to neighbouring countries and have a great time!

well, that only makes sense in the "Good times" buddy buddy I'm not really a dad, way.

Or I'm wrong and have to reconsider. It just makes no sense with the other "now i have to move".

You'd think your x would lie about why he's moving. Like "oh I got a small buy paying job ELSEWHERE ..."

and not make it so personal.


Just no point even trying to reason with them.... It's such a strange pattern is it not?

Strange but evidently not rare. So here are a few random remarks...


1) don't try to put a rational spin on irrational behavior

2) even if we had a crystal ball that could (accurately) see into their minds, the things we would see would still not necessarily "make sense" - events that did not happen as they believe or did not mean what they believe,

AND the emotions & thoughts we understood would change the next day/week/month and back again! Not that valuable a tool.

3) the hardest pain to accept is usually pain we don't understand. So we get bogged down into trying to make sense of things.

In some cases it's just a waste of time. I mean that more than I ever have.

My dear friend LC, lost her 22 y/o son last fall, out of nowhere. On his way to a job interview. He was athletic and it turns out he had an unknown cardiac defect that only affects 1 in 500,000 and it presented without symptoms and he's gone. Dropped down, said he couldn't breathe and had a heart attack at age 22. The end.

This friend has tried so hard to make sense of this enormous loss. She sends ME good thoughts and cards and book suggestions as both our lives have changed dramatically.

(Trust me, I'd rather be me than her). She's such a kind person.

Point is, there's no "Sense" to her son's death. She has one other child and a h. And decades left of life.

She informed me that some sharks can only live if they keep moving b/c their gills/lungs don't work without movement. They have to keep moving or they will die.

We have to keep moving forward or we will be stuck and that will be terrible for our kids AND ourselves. Life is so short and tomorrow is promised to no one.

I believe with all my heart that the best thing we can do for our kids is live well and be at peace.

That's my goal for me and for them. Figuring out how is my task.

But get those CS debts on the books. You never know.

Do you ever ponder about when your son marries, what your h will think or do. If he will be invited?

Will he Send a card with a big check and feel like all is well that ends well??

Good grief.