I really need more from him. I need some sort of sign that he's in this. All the signs point to he's not.
This ^^^^^^^^ is going to be the rope that hangs your M. You do okay for a few days, then you start saying you need more from him. Maybe you don't say it to him...........but I think he is reading the message in you. Spouses know each other very well and if you are constantly thinking about how you need more........chances are your attitude, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, responses, behavior, etc. is giving the message to him.
He already feels that he will forever be under your magnifying glass. Why should he strive to show you signs that he is in or out? He feels he cannot win. The first thing out of the counselor's office, he tried to kiss you and you rejected him. Men can't take too many times of rejection (which comes in various packages), before they give up. The male ego is the most delicate thing in the world. I'm not saying it's right or fair.......it just is.
What is your part? What if he is thinking that he needs to see some sign in you that tells him you are through doubting/judging him? You have not drilled him lately, and that is great........if you maintain it. From what I've observed, you are looking at him to see if he intends to give what you need. I'm just asking.......what if he's looking at you?
Maybe you should stop saying you need more from him...........at least for a while, b/c it could be subconsciously working against you. I know you are just saying it here on the board, but it may have negative power behind it. We all agree you deserve more than what you are getting. I have observed that these words seem to be the start of another bad emotional ride for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
