Thanks Coly - oh another thing that may be of interest. I have a male friend, D'd for a few years now - former W was serially unfaithful. He developed a friendship with a former female colleague, who is cohabiting long term with someone else. Anyway, sounds like this friendship has grown into something that has crossed a line and my friend says he has feelings for her. He is a lovely guy - attractive, bright...but just gets lonely sometimes after divorce - as do we all I guess from time to time.

They don't work together any more and she lives a little way away - but after being out of touch with her for a year or so, he emailed her and asked if she wanted to meet. She said yes. They haven't met yet and my friend asked me what I thought. We talked about the devastation of having been on the receiving end of infidelity and that would be the situation he would create if he chose to go ahead and meet her. I asked him if he would be happy for her partner to see all the messages that passed between them. She had also brought him presents. And, if she was such a great catch, wouldn't she actually choose to end her current relationship before 'crossing a line' with him.

I suggested he get in touch and draw a line in the sand - tell her on reflection meeting up wouldn't be such a good idea and wish her the best. Then delete her number. I said to him, do you really want to be a primary factor in someone else's relationship break up? If you recall how you felt about OM previously, you are creating a circumstance where someone would feel just the same about you. Is that really okay for you? He said that hit home. Anyway, he did send the message and she did reply that he was probably right as her intentions weren't really honourable. Whether they will both manage to sustain this and not be in touch, I don't know. But I felt I did the best I could with it and it is what I would have hoped someone else might have done in XH's situation. I hope the telling of this is useful to someone...

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus