First time here, part 3

[25yearsmlc]

I'm really proud of you. You came across confident, cheerful and detached. This starts him thinking that you are moving forward (because you are!) and that he has a "sliding door moment" to either step through or maybe miss this opportunity forever. I am a physician and watch fellow physicians destroy their lives by making their work the only priority. Most of them are single/divorced or perpetually moving from one relationship to another.
I got into an argument with my program director once because he said I had no ambition. I reflected back that my ambition was there but with different goals.



Sara, I'm a L by training, m to a DOCTOR, for 35 years. And Known hundreds of MDs. I will offer 4 vignettes to ponder.

1) ALL of the staff physicians I knew who discussed or pushed more "ambition" to the younger colleagues, are divorced and have very distant r's from their children.

(If they are in their original m's they would push more balance).

Urging the same behavior that ruined their own families, seems like a cruel way to justify their choices as if to say they had no choice. (But then, just b/c they are DOCTORS, doesn't mean they are emotionally brave or self aware.)

2) our d28 feared h when she was young, b/c she did not know him. Literally, she asked me who he was when he came home one night. That hurt h and it was a moment of consciousness, painful for all of us. I think it briefly sank in. But I suspect it later = sacrifice on HIS end....HIS loss, more about HIS suffering and not the vacuum it was for my single parenting or loss for our lovely d28.

3) recently d19 asked h for food money for her summer away. H said he is "tired of being used for money." D19 said to me, without rancor, "what else would I use dad for? Deep talks? We've never had any. Spending time together? I'm in college now, that ship has sailed..."

Isn't that ^^ just freaking tragic?

4) Last, we knew a couple in which both were MDs. They seemed to want to out earn the other and both took lots of call.

One or both of their kids had a lot of emotional issues and the father MD told me that he & his w had "done everything for them...we hire therapists and tutors and mentors and they see a shrink too..."

All I could think of was that those kids were screaming for attention, and all these DOCTORS could do, was hire more surrogates.


Sara, please remind yourself of these ^^ moments, these times YOU could have had,

if you were making other "ambitious" choices.





My goal was to do work I enjoyed with the aim of coming home each evening to have dinner with my children. I also don't jump at working weekends (like my colleagues for $$$$) because I'd rather be with my kids.

My WH is like yours in that his work has oftentimes interfered with family time. While the kids are young this doesn't register with the little ones but the future will make for a lonely time for WH if he doesn't start getting a work-life balance. I let go of the rope and now WH comes home more consistently. You're doing well, keep plugging along. I want updates on your GAL weekend!