Of course after I post that she wakes up and says she hates this place (home? state?). Doesn't want to be here. I suggest we can do something and she says you don't feel well (allergies) and there is nothing fun to do here. She later said she is depressed and how it is not easy having to think of every little detail she needs to do (which is weird since I offered help with several things: getting her a bank account, getting her driving lessons, looking at apartments, offering basically low financial stress). And she says (with tears) that she is depressed because doing things with me just don't feel good anymore. And she hates that feeling. I point out that we haven't really done anything fun lately...and she said yeah because it doesn't feel good.
It really feels like the "don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does" but she is clearly repressing her feelings for me. Anytime I keep my distance she comes looking for me and is in tears. Which makes me think there is SOMETHING ELSE I should be doing rather than keep my distance. She says she has no feelings for me, but grabs me tighter during hugs lately, she wants me to rub her back and says it feels good and is in tears.
I realize this is not me but her needing to process these things and I cannot do that for her. But it is also so extremely hard.
