Your post concerns me in 2 respects (but makes me happy in other ways, too!)
The concerns are 1) that you are putting your happiness on hold, which I can only assume also happened before, when here.
Relative to my timeline and experience, both of your R's were not very long. (sorry if that offends) and neither were committed marriages.
2) there's something that sounds...not sure of the word, but maybe "incomplete"??
Please, make no mistake, I know you have grown.
I have some well intended questions for you, since you seem to be asking the generic ones...okay? Here goes...
How much time have you two spent together , consecutively? Given the honeymoon phase of all new R's, isn't that pretty important?
How much age difference is there and how are his children doing? How recent was the divorce and how long were they m?
Why did he really divorce his wife?
It's easy - oh so easy to demonize an ex wife. God only knows what my h has said to his OW.
I imagine not a single word about my being in the hospital ICU while they were together...and then he left me alone, unable to drive or bathe and while very impaired...yeah, I'm sure he failed to mention that.
I'm sure he didn't mention the incredibly long period of deceit in which I did NOT know he was "so miserable" and "had not been happy for X years..." In fact, we were interviewed a year ago, for having a "wonderful long term marriage"...on national TV...
You are smart enough to know that a WAH has a very different narrative than the mother of his children. IF his children are old enough to be out of the house, and are yet are not close to him...for me, that's a red flag. There is only so much an angry ex wife can say or do to change their vision...
ANYHOW...
I read this elsewhere and I'll just post it for you to consider.
***Marriage is not about two people completing each other! A secure marriage is built on two complete individuals coming together to share each other’s lives; being whole is the job of the individual.***
Make sense? So, Why are you waiting to be happy, until if and when he's around? What are you bringing to the table if you are not "complete" without him? Why aren't you happy, now?
IS there the possibility that being with THIS guy, means you are destined to avoid the full on intimacy and real commitment that would come with marriage or a full time committed r?
Okay yikes, I know that's^^^ a lot to ponder.
Keep at it and I promise to go easier next time. I think you are wise to be asking questions of yourself - indeed, we'd all be crazy not to question our next r's.
My T hammered me to "NOT Marry the first guy i date" as it's too reactive. She really pressed me on that.
Almost makes me afraid to date b/c apparently I am not going to marry the first 2-3+ guys!
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
