25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[25yearsmlc]

Your x 25 is turning out to be like mine. In VA there is zero obligation for x's to pay for college and i've been told it's a tough sell if it goes to court. We pay for S19 through an account we had sellaved for kids college, not even enough to pay one year each but so far has covered the cost for S19 above the dinky amount of fed loans he qualified for. Then he'LL have to get private loans. Your D can get private loans? Suxx but what can you do.


In CA, case law seems to say if one or both parents can afford it, we are supposed to pay for college IF it was an expectation we created and agreed to, before.
Which is true, and we did so for the older kids.

H's argument SEEMS to be that he cannot afford it as he has "retired". I'm not positive what happens when h goes back to work (assuming he isn't now, for the first time ever).

Can D get private loans? Not without a co-signer, which I guess would be ME.

Question -?? Before I let D19 quit school or take on some insane (if available) amount of debt, shouldn't I inform h's parents (FIL and step mother in law)?

They are very wealthy (and h will be inheriting a lot when his dad passes away).

is that tacky, or airing too much dirty laundry? If I share any info with FIL, how to do it?







I suspect that letter and the not-paying is a jab at you for requesting support. When ppl do bad things they sometimes lash out at their victim, weird but normal, somehow lets him feel justified.

Clearly^^^

Never tell kids their Dad doesn't love them. Not for you to say.

I would NEVER tell my kids their dad does not love them. First, I don't think that's true. Second, it would not be my place and finally, I would never tell them something like that anyhow.

My only quandary was b/c of a BFF who is into "truth at all costs" person, and while I respect that, I don't agree. (Plus, how do I "know" how h feels? He sukks as a dad right now, but that's his problem).

I'm a mother and my job is to love my kids and help them feel loved, including assuring them of their dad's love.

However, my kids have asked me quite clearly NOT to "defend" their dad OR tell them that he loves them. That's a new development. So I'll respect their boundaries but I won't translate that into saying he does NOT love them.

Make sense?


Listen to and sympathize with their feelings and encourage them to express those feelings to their dad when they feel ready to. It's between them and their dad and not good for you to try to interpret him to them.

(These are just conclusions I reached facing similar H issues)

Agreed