well, ex-h get what he has put in. None of them will sacrifice a plan they made in order to spend time with him.
Daughter21 will let him know she comes home only if she comes for a full week. they go out for supper and she is right back here. If he visits her, she will be cordial but she will not hesitate to tell him if it is not a good time.
Son18 found a good paying job in Ex-H' s town. He is around ex-h the most yet do not talk nor do things together. Ex-H did not even know Son had registered to go to College this fall. There is NO COMMUNICATION. Son lives in his bedroom or hang around his friends or works. On his days off, he is here. In other words, Son has a free room and board while working.
Daughter17 goes to ex-h when she feels sorry for him. Maybe once a month if even. She is the most sensitive of all 4. She is also the one Ex-H talks to the most about his feelings. It worries me sometimes because even thou he tells her how sorry he is for the choices he made, he does not do anything to change the outcome. Words/ actions. She is the one reporting and asking the most questions. She want to study psychology and social work. Her dream is to help children who struggle. Their relationship is on a part-time basis. On and off.
Daughter14. this father-daughter relationship surprised me... Remember the feeling of not being good enough, at time of bomb? Well, she was 6 years old then and for ex-h, she was perfect. She accepted him leaving without much thought. SHE WAS 6 !!!! well, this changed. He made accusation toward her witch she did NOT accept and now, she makes excuses why she cannot go to his place.
Visitations were never respected and no longer exist. The kids run the show. They make their own decision and he takes whoever is willing to go. Again, maybe once a month if he is lucky.
25, None of his outcome matters to me. My outcome does. Ex-H is getting the fruit of his labour and I have mine. Ex-H is not a great catch. Many OW gave him a shot. Will one finally stay? If she feels like she must settle for him. With that said, what does it say about her? Ex-H has cash but you become his possession not his life partner. You become the responsible one and he will make sure you will not have a life other than a life that benefits him. (narcissist)
I do feel sorry for my Ex. I wish him well. Maybe he is happier?? At what cost? Not one I am willing to pay.
My self-esteem, self worth, my values, my pride, my peace of mind are worth so much more then having a dysfunctional family with ex-h. As hard as it was to get through this, deep in my heart, I know it was the right thing to do. Maybe he feels the same way since he has never shown us otherwise.
We are becoming deep-thinker. lol For the Big D, stick to facts, not emotions.
