Wife wants divorce, but hasn't said divorce

[25yearsmlc]

Tough day, I need to do an emotional dump.

After work, I went to see my son for dinner and tubby. I found it difficult to interact with her. I just wasn't in the mood. I wasn't impolite but not very interactive. Being around her is a struggle, and it's even more so when she tells me about every day things and makes jokes and laughs around me when we are going through this. It tortures me.

You need an attitude adjustment time. EVEN IF you believe she only acts "as if all is well" to make things easier for her (and thinks it's for you)

The alternative to you going along with it, is UNAPPEALING. NO one gets retracted to a moping "woe is me" guy. It's not a strong position. What are you bringing to the table as a man?? Show that. Even if it's really really hard


I keep thinking it's good signs, but I have to know it's not.

Does not matter what it means is in HER head. Throntons wife cried the whole time she moved out...to set him up for plan B if her plan A doesn't work out. Don't take that bait. The "ALL IS HAPPY" is another type of show, so that they can feel all sure of their choices and not confuse you.

Again, ^^^HER HEADSPACE is not yours. Stay in your snadbox and project the most "together" h -- as in, be a husband only a fool would leave.

Not a sad mad guy who pouts and wants his way NOW!!!

I would feel better if I didn't have to see her. I don't want to be her friend at the end of this. I know she is the mother of her child, but I don't think I will be capable of that.

Not needed today. In time, cordiality is all that is minimally required, and will probably come. Then maybe friends since you have a HUGE person in common and maybe down the road, you two can build on that friendship....


When I was about to leave, I asked her about a friend of hers that is having a difficult pregnancy, and the topic of her and my son possibly moving into their house to help out came up and then the topic of her aggressively getting back to finding a mediator came up, so that we could figure out the next steps. The way she said it was so matter of factly, as if it wasn't a big deal for her. I couldn't even respond I was so crushed. I was crushed again because I keep holding onto hope. It's not good healthy for me.


understood but don't mind read HER emotions. She may have been striving not to show any, who knows? No mind reading. However on YOUR end...


1) derail the topic, "sorry I asked about friend, b/c this isn't the time for us to discuss that..."

OR
" 2) sorry but I have to table that for now...gotta go, (then have some GAL to attend to, and be UPBEAT when you leave, not mad or morose.

it's just that YOU ARE super busy, meeting new cool people, going to exciting places and doing fun interesting things, catch you sometime (vague) later! buh bye!

I don't want to quit, but I don't know how much longer I can put myself through this. I want some control over this situation where I have no control. I'm struggling.

wanting control where there is so little, is a core universal piece of this experience. We know and we feel for you as we have been OR ARE in the same boat.

Exercise control where you can, let it go where you cant and find some peace, anyhow.

In our marriage counseling, I haven't spoken how I really feel about this situation. I feel I need to, even if it's only for my benefit.

if not now, when?? Speak up man. It's your duty to yourself Truly. Be calm, but show passion, and be prepared but be vocal.


And I feel the need to tell her I need to limit my interaction with her for my benefit. And I don't want to continue the marriage counseling unless it's for the purpose of working on our marriage.

While my wife wants divorce I don't see the point. I can spend the time working on myself. I almost wonder if rejecting her in this way will have some effect. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

As I said, it was a rough day. I don't know if I'll feel the same about all of this tomorrow. But I do know that I hate my life right now and I cannot handle being in limbo, not having any control over what is going to happen.

understood. How are the GAL things going ?