Who's fault is this again? Can I forgive her?

[bttrfly]

In my haste to share both my love of The Damned and David Vanian and Captain Sensible's foray to the Great White North I fear I may not have responded as thoroughly as I could have.

Don't know that you can believe anything they (the MCLr) says. I'm not sure that they really only think about how cheap their rent is (eew) or how exciting it is to be in a different city each week as is the case with my exh.

I think - and this isn't based on anything other than my own opinion - that part of their inner turmoil is the disconnect between how they feel inside and what they say. Clearly she's reached out several times and misses having the girls in her life. She's not going to necessarily share that with people she's not really close to, is she? Instead she may only play up what she perceives as the positives in her life (cheap rent). I dunno. Again, whenever I think I know what's going on with the MLCr/exh, I feel like it takes me away from my peace which I'm trying to find.

I don't like it when people bring him up to me as I feel like his life now is none of my business and that reminder of what once was is hurtful to me, so I ask that we not discuss him. You may want to set a similar boundary ? If it makes things easier? I know you've done so in the past. Is it time to reinforce the boundary?

They will do what they will do - there's no telling from anecdotal recounts where they really are in their process, is there? Is hearing something like this really a true window into the soul of your ex? I don't think there's really a way to know.

What I find most hurtful and frustrating about MLC is that it takes so bloody long, some of them never come back, and those who do are never really the same. Well, how could they be, really? Depression, hormone imbalance, unresolved childhood trauma, etc ... those are pretty big things to overcome. The wreckage they create and the guilt it must generate - I'm profoundly thankful to be on the LBS journey not the MLC journey.

Best to say, not my circus, not my monkeys and focus on this new life we've been given. The cover of the new journal I'm using says, "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Me, I'm trying to figure out who I am now. What is it that I still like to do that I haven't done in a long time for example, going to see a live band every once in a while. I used to do that every weekend in my misspent youth - it was a very big part of my life and slowly tapered off to nothing because exh didn't like seeing live music. I've realized that it's still something I enjoy from time to time, especially with a group of friends. What new things interest me (learning to play the guitar). Who am I now? This is the journey of the LBS, right? These are the questions that are more intriguing to me these days: re-learning the parts of myself that I put aside for the relationship (we all do that), finding out what's left in the rubble of my life that's solid enough to be part of my re-building process, and discovering new interests.

There's only so much energy in the day, right? How you want to spend your allotment is worth contemplating. So Irish, I ask you: What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

xoxoxoxo

p.s. and what i really want to know is did you go see the Damned on my recommendation, lol. cuz if I was irresponsible, I would have called in a personal day at work and trekked up to Montreal to catch the final show of the tour, they were that good! and yes, i even bought the t-shirt !! and one as a gift for a friend too, ha ha.

And now that our thunderstorm which woke me up is passed I shall hopefully return to sleep, having given you something to think about maybe? Remember - it's yours, this life, and it is wild and precious. Shut down the eew talk with folks. You don't need to be made sad. xoxoxo