25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[25yearsmlc]

Reading my own post and am annoyed.

Way way too much about being in my h's head. Random musings/frustrations (I'll elaborate if need be but these are comments I tell myself when I start to spin.

YES I am in a hurry to rush thru this b/c I was already here 10 years ago. Wasted a year+ of time "Why?WHYWHYWHYWHY?????"

Well. NOT THIS TIME. It'll be October when it's a year since I saw him, and we separated. By then I shall be done with this, I swear, by then.: (Please let me be done by then!)



1) on one hand, "hey, 25, it's OKAY you're a little stuck, it's a process! It was a 35 year marriage with 3 kids! OF course its hard to just "detach".
You don't have to race through this and be ALL done by... Tuesday, July 16th...at 930am. It's okay to backslide and process all of this. It is a LOT to unravel 3+decades of a life and family you built together, and a 5393 plans and dreams you had are not shelved OR experienced alone...

..PLUS you are in a $hitStorm right now with other events and needy kids, and no money for the first time in years & years.....and it hurts and you are reeling from other life events AND your h is really obnoxiously painful to you and the kids. If he knew how painful it is, would he also realize it's going to cost him MORE b/c I'm not at all interested in settling for less...who knows? Who cares??

BACK TO ME...

2) I want to have my own, "new" life in order. H had a head start, for sure. It sure looks like it! I want to be living my own life without him in it. Now...So,

Goal#1
get h out of my head.

3) Balance these^^^ factors...

How?

A) Detach. How?

1) Start with daily (hourly?) affirmations and Mantras to help redirect your thoughts. e.g.

"H was NOT kind to me or the kids for the past X years. So regardless of who he may be to others, or who he acts like he has become later, - He was not good to us and would not have changed for us. I had no choice but to file, and would have been miserable if I had not filed.

That^^ is what I KNOW. That's all I need to know now.

b) He is acting badly and causes me and kids MORE pain by renting my headspace...

Good riddance to lunacy. My future and my kids future, won't have a cray cray man in it anymore. No sudden escalations of tension or awkward moments or holidays clouded by h's snap comments and no disagreeable treatment on vacations.

SO, less h = less cray cray crap.

This is a good thing and this,^^ we KNOW.

Affirmations - "25, embrace the change life has given you. Enjoy your new life with reliable, loyal honest loved ones, less tension and doubt in your primary r, and the opportunity to find that elsewhere..."

Next step to GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD...STOP SIGN and Good riddance...turn it over, for real

GAL...what kind? What costs the least but gives the most fun?

Travel is on your horizon and it will be to a place ON YOUR Bucket list, no one else's.
Will ponder

Also - Must use new anger as a call to action, complete ALL the divorce paperwork and detective work as he is STILL be hiding money. Let the L's handle it and GAL

More GAL

Join a divorceCare group so you have a PLACE with real people, where you can vent, but which does not poison every other event you attend.

(Keep DB ing online, b/c that's helpful and we can vent here but it's not = GAL.)

I'm in a book club, good.

Maintain time in a writer's group (meet up.com has a million different interest groups) Continue to socialize with new people at least once a week, while also seeing my regular peeps once a week.

Pursue professional goals


MORE GAL...(con't)

plan a trip after the Div hearing (in late July).

Open to dating...try online and dip my toe in the water.

Physical - get knee scoped so I can hike and dance again.

Take subway into city to museums, with a friend or just go.

Audition at local theater or one in DC

Signed up for wine pairing class, in June.

Getting some sleep now...will touch this list again, later...

Thanks for letting me ramble.

I actually do feel better