WH came back. Piecing. Almost at 2 year mark.

[Stormchaser]

Did I take my H for granted? Absolutely. Again though, I was in this codependent M and couldn't see it clearly. When I met my H, he was such a breath of fresh air. I thought as we moved through life together and accomplished our goals that it would be enough. That things would slowly, and only, get better over time. That with each accomplishment--degrees, jobs, children, home purchase, and on and on, that life would just get better. I was ill prepared for all of the obstacles and hardships that came with it.

This is something W and I discussed a lot in therapy. The "taking for granted". We will never do this again. We often discussed walking along the beach with our grandchildren as we grew old together. Actually, when she moved in with a friend temporarily, her saddest thought was, "Storm and I will not be together for our grandkids".

We rugswept for years. Years and years. Afraid to hurt each others feelings. Man, how I remember those first days after I kicked her out, the texts that flew back and forth. There was no holding back on either side. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore. I called her a lying cheating slut. The vitriol that spewed from me would make any woman cringe. Everything collapsed, just like a Ponzi scheme. Turns out love DOESN'T conquer all. I remember telling her how much I loved her despite our differences, and she responded, "how the HELL is that love? Shouldn't we share one common thing?"

If this marriage was going to survive, it would take peeling back layers of animosity that built up over the latter years. I think if not for the duration of longevity between us, I may have chucked reconciliation. I'm too old to want to start over.

So while I will never call his A and our separation a "blessing in disguise," because it has felt more like a curse, I will say that so much positive has come from it. The positive is that we have both chosen to look at ourselves deeply, to look at the M closely, and to do the hard work of rebuilding.

This is good. My W has had the unfortunate experience of dealing with major depression now (after me having it for almost a year). Her episodes aren't long, maybe a week or so, but they usually follow an argument. So we try our best to work through it and no longer rugsweep. I have the mentality of, "ok, you have to go through this" instead of rescuing her, like I would always do. If she forgot a bill and the debt collector rang, she'd panic and I'd feel guilty and pay it for her. I no longer do this. We're trying not to be as co-dependent as we used to be. She, OTOH, doesn't baby me through my mental issues, instead, she now talks to me yet is understanding and stern when needed. I don't need a mommy anymore. And she doesn't need a daddy. A little tough love never hurt anyone.

There is so much GOOD that has come out of this. We talk. Sex is better and more frequent. I've faced my anxieties about a lot of things now and I've come out a much better person. I'm a much more sympathetic guy. I put my W first. I ask if she needs help around the house. I praise her. She texts me a lot, calls me cute names now.

We like the new people we are. We just have to get used to it.