(((( )))) I'm sorry you and your daughter went through that! I can't even imagine. I'm glad she has you for support.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I went to a DivorceCare support group at a church near my condo, last night.
-Good for you!-
Several of the men talked about how much they miss their children. One in particular hit me hard.
He wasn't talking like a Disneyland dad, who only wants the fun things for the kids. And he wasn't whining about how high the CS is, or to make custody about lowering the CS.
No, he was talking about how much he misses just hanging out with his daughters. Driving them to the pool and watching them swim, then they get to hang out more and they chat and talk about their days... They are now the same age my daughters were when h first went on his Alaskan adventure. I was so moved and touched. He just wanted TIME with his d's.
I felt tears in my eyes b/c honest to God I would give anything to have a h who wanted TIME with his d's when they were young, or even now...
-(((( )))) This is heartbreaking. I've never understood how someone could not value time spent more so than money or personal preferences. I think that is why maybe you (and I) did not see things as they were before, the pure selfishness.... I know in my case, I never really thought it was possible.
My dad valued time spent with my sister and me more than most anything really (other than his faith). He was a hard worker, and in my teenage years literally worked 7 days a week for 10 years (gone over 12 hours a day). He only had two days off in those ten years: the day I graduated high school and the day my sister graduated high school (two years later). In spite of this, there was never a feeling of disconnection or neglection with him. He spent each morning with us before we went to school. He spent 2-3 hours with us in the afternoons after school, and made it a point for us to all have dinner together (except at times my mom would take hers in front of the tv). Each weekend, we went to dinner on Saturday and Sunday. We did this for years and it was nonnegotiable. We planned our other activities AROUND our family time. There were times my mom would go to dinner with us, but mostly she would stay at home in front of the tv. So I have truly experienced the no excuses in parenting. He was present emotionally and physically and he was an example of what it means to be able to count on someone. He made me feel special.
So, when you know you're valuable (and you are and you know this), I think it makes it even harder to see the things your H is doing and your head not spin each time he picks himself over his family. -
(not on His schedule or to take them hunting or fishing in Alaska, b/c that's what HE LOVES to do and they are, you know...open to it...)
😒😒😒
but he was not there when they needed him the most and it's time he cannot make up). And they remember... The other day d19 asked h for food money for the summer - as she's working there in Boston. If she were at home, we'd pay and if she were taking classes, we'd pay.
H said something like HE is "tired of being used for money."
d19 said "well, what else would I 'use' him for? Deep talks? TIME together??"
-They know what they deserve.-
I am crestfallen about the past - but yes, I'll refocus and look forward. It just touched me deeply.
SECONDLY, I wanted to share that the group was FUNNY and mostly well spoken and educated. Like they would be your friends in real life and it IS real life.
We went out for chili and beer later and there's a cookout this weekend. I think I'm going to go. I already have friends and family nearby but this would allow me to meet new people AND be able to discuss the divorce in a helpful way, but also transition into fun things.
I enjoyed them and they made me feel really welcome.
-Sounds like you have found something great!-
Divorce cost a LOT more money than I expected and probably more than h expected. It costs me more than I thought it would, emotionally too.
My h betrayed me in every way a h can betray a wife, and he did it semi publicly.
I deserve so much better. It's not my job to say what h deserves but to keep the focus on myself and to remember and remind myself that I DESERVE BETTER THAN H GAVE
-You know this and you would not be as far along in this as you are if you didn't. What he's done on Facebook is shameful, but that reflects on HIM and not you. Most people seeing that are not thinking "Awww, what a great couple! Glad he found the love of his life!" but "Isn't he married? Isn't that soon to be posting all that...?" There is a police officer in town that one day exploded his social media with pictures of him and someone else... that was not his wife. I always thought he was a good, decent man and I was appalled (still am) and shocked to realize he was blasting this new relationship and he was not even divorced from his wife. I still do not think of him the same, even though his XW seems to be doing really good now (my best friend is friends with her). I know it caused her a lot of pain, and his actions (to me) spoke nothing of her, but his lack of integrity. I know this doesn't help with how frustrating it is to be treated that way, though. -
