LT, In addition to looking for apartments may I suggest getting a separation agreement in place asap that outlines custody and support. You're going to want to protect yourself moving forward.
On another note, I know this isn't the outcome you were working towards but hopefully this get's you out of the limbo you've been stuck in for so long.
The healing for me really started when my XW moved out.
Good luck LT.
Betterman, I'm sorry, I missed this response last time I posted. I'm going to see my L today to discuss how this will work, but I agree, I think we need a S agreement in place that starts on the day that we split. Once we are S physically, I think we need to also be split financially as well. I think my W believes we will continue as we have for the remainder of the summer, just with her in one place and me in another. I appreciate the kind words my friend. It does seem like it would unlock this limbo and let us both get on with our lives, even if it [censored] to blow up the family unit.
I believe I've found an apartment. It's currently about 10 minutes from the place that W has applied for. I think that distance will give D and I the chance to build a life w/o W continuing w/ her controlling behavior. A friend pointed out that W wanting us to live in the same apartment complex was just an extension of her need to control everything. I'm actually getting pretty excited at the thought of D and I getting our own furniture, decorations, and stuff. I want this to be hers and my HOME, even if it is just until next spring. I'd like to see if I can work the finances to then buy a small house for us and get back to a "normal" life for her. We will see.
DonH, agree w/ everything you are saying. I'm discussing w/ the L today to see how we split everything prior to our late June closing. I'm working through all of the stuff I will need to make my apartment a home for D and I and I plan on being fully prepared for this. Felt like I was off balance for the past few days, but now that I'm getting a plan in place I feel more in balance. Amazing how much comfort comes from having a path to follow.
As for her "being over the anger" and "letting go of her control issues", I told this to my IC and he almost fell out of his chair. I'm in the same boat as you. whether this was her plan all along or she's just flailing around, it doesn't matter. I'm preparing like this is the split, so my L visit today will go a long way towards driving how I proceed from here. The apartment I got is large enough for all 3 of us, which i'll tell W, but I don't expect her to be coming w/ us. If she goes, then she does get what she wants, a complete split. At that point, I'm unsure this is repairable. Not a fan of her kicking me to the curb and not putting in any effort to save our family. guess i'll see how I feel if it ever comes to that point. Thank you my friend!
MV, yeah, I'm unsure if it's lying or if it's just her flip flopping back and forth. To be honest, I feel bad for her. Her brain seems like it's all over the place and that can't be easy for her. I really do hope she finds peace and happiness after all of this, but after the past year I know that only she can provide that for herself. no matter how much I smash my face against the wall, nothing I do will change her.
The plan all along has been the new school district. The apartment I've found is 1 mile from the school, has a bus stop for it at the front of it, and is very family friendly. Two thumbs up and D will be all set should we be forced to stay there longer than expected. Discussing S agreement w/ L today. Appreciate your insight as always brother!
Thanks everyone for the thoughts and support. You've been by my side throughout all of this and I will eternally be grateful to all of you. We will see what the next month brings.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
