Ive given that question a lot of thought and here's what I've come up with. Which of these is true basically depends on what has been going on lately.
1. I'm jealous. He got closure. They had a long period of therapy that he participated in, they had multiple conversations about the pros and cons of breaking up, they have a close relationship now. I could have had that. Instead I got a self-absorbed cheater who said that he engaged in one-night stands "because he wanted to do something for himself for once."
2. I'm scared. What if she wanted him back?
3. I'm annoyed. He does a LOT for her. What does she do for him (take this one back to scared, too). Is she using him?
4. I'm possessive. If the zombie apocalypse broke out, he'd come fetch me and my kids... and he'd pick her up along the way. But there's only one of him to go around!
5. I want to be first. I am sad that we come to each other with these scars. I think it's fair to say that without the scars we wouldn't enjoy one another nearly so much, but still, I wish we were first for each other.
6. I think it's fair to say that there is not one single respect in which My Guy resembles Mr. Fantastic, but there are a few ways that I resemble his ex and a couple of times he's looked right at me and called me by her name. Oddly enough, people have called me by that name pretty regularly in my lifetime -- you know, in those moments when you stumble over a name, for example meaning to say Amy and Emily comes out instead... but for me, very consistently in my entire life, the name people stumble over when they don't get mine, happens to be her name. And we have similar favorite colors... I dont know. I guess I just want to be more special.
All that said, he seems not to have spent a lot of time with her lately, and our relationship continues to grow closer. I can afford, at the moment, to not worry too much about her.
All here is well. The job at the moment is more manageable. I had a couple of hours with no kids and no My Guy and I used them to bring my house under control, which is bringing me more peace. We got a pair of kittens who are the light of our lives. The school situation is under control. Part of me is feeling really content and part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop... but I'm trying to focus on the contentedness.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
