Hi 25! I read what your H is doing on FB and thought he's overly compensating or something. I don't think people who are all over FB posting how happy they are are necessarily that happy. I agree it seems immature in our age group to be doing that, and the timing is really inappropriate. A normal person in his position would be discreet, I would think. I wouldn't want to be the girl in those photos either. He sounds unhinged. Sorry.
My kids being out in college and near the end of high school, I think they would be happy for me to be dating. If they were younger I'd have likely been having those first dates off-screen, while they're at school or with a sitter, and they wouldn't have met a guy until he was going to be around for a while. But I had no time for anything then other than parenting them and working. And the special challenges they gave me raising them single-handed (how I survived that I'll never know) would have scared off anyone who might have thought about dating me.
Yeah, I can broach the topic with them. When they first brought girls around, there was no discussion like "hey mom I'm going to start dating now, and what do you think about that, and here's a girl I'm going to date." No, rather a girl would appear one day and my son would be all smiles, and gradually she'd be around more and more. I was kind of thinking along the same lines, but I suppose being in the mom role requires more maturity? And discussion?
My kids are 100% on my team. They do want me to be happy, and I'm less concerned than if they were younger about diverting attention they need from me.
I haven't ever wanted to appear to them as lonely or unhappy, I've got a full life with friends and activities (thanks to DB). So I don't think it would occur to them (or me) that I *need* someone; but they'd likely be happy for me to have fun and a nice companion.
My S19 has a lot of friends whose parents are divorced, dating, remarried, etc., so this is probably less weird for him than it is for me. His best friend, though, is not on speaking terms with his mom who left his dad and after the divorce moved in with a guy who is the "love of her life" on FB too. He refuses to even meet the guy. So it's possible for this to go badly, but there's a lot of difference in our situations.
I don't really want to be teased or made to feel self-conscious, but I suppose that too is a conversation I can have with them. H encouraged meanness and teasing, but he's been gone for a long time now and the boys are very kind and empathic.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
