Feeling more determined today. Not sure how long I can actually force myself to keep no contact, but I'll make it past today. Biggest concern is that I am giving her the ability to "get over" me. I don't really want to make things easier on her. It felt like we were making some progress before, then she was "feeling crushed" again. I think my biggest problem is that with NC I can't see results. I don't like the not knowing.
Wedding rehearsal tomorrow, get to see some friends. Wedding Friday, I'm going to do my best to not call her but I expect an emotional day. Saturday I'm going to a brewery tour with a new friend and hiking hopefully Sunday or Monday with another new friend. I emailed the HR person I interviewed with over the phone to follow up and she said another person will be emailing me but it should be next Wednesday.
If I get the job I'll have a timeline at least for myself. On the 15th I'll be able to start really looking for apartments (it'll be an hour move) with a move in date of July 1st (I have to be out of here by July 30th). I can move slowly for the most part, no rush. These things will probably be my biggest 180's because she's implied that I wasn't a leader in the relationship (I mostly disagree, but I can certainly do more). Moving to a new state, getting a "real" job in my field of study (something she was never able to do and possibly part of her sudden shift in priorities). Doing all this on my own along with graduating is a big deal.
Things that bugs me is this was the timeline all along. I'm literally just continuing with "our" life plan. I don't know what she wants anymore, but this is what I still want.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
