Wife wants divorce, but hasn't said divorce

[25yearsmlc]

Another issue with my marriage that I haven't addressed here yet, and it was probably because of shame is that our sexual intimacy has been lacking for many months. When my wife had her post partum breakdown to me, she asked me to initiate more, be more aggressive sexually and take the lead.

Once I started working on this she shut down on me. For a period she stopped saying "I love you", showed no affection, and barely showed that she loved me in anyway.

something was miscommunicated or misunderstood. How Did you address it?

Maybe in the future, you could say "hey, I love and desire you and I thought i was doing X.

But I've noticed a shift in your responsiveness. Can we talk this out? Can you be more specific in expressing your needs? Turns out I'm a horrible mind reader... "

She eventually told me that she was dealing with issues related to a sexual assault from years ago that were triggered by child birth and asked if we took sex off the table for a time. Which we did.

OKAY that's different. And other than you being supportive, the rest is up to her. But yeah, you need to listen even more than most, to hear what she is really saying and to recap her comments to make sure you are understanding them, (and to show her that you are listening).


After several months, we talked about starting to have sex again and that is when everything that was going good, quickly turned bad. She told me she had no desire to have sex with me. And she told me that because of her assault, she wasn't capable of trying because it felt like a forced situation where she wasn't in control. And a few weeks after this is when she asked me to move out.

Have you and or your w ever seen a sex therapist?

Also, fwiw, I think there is something going on with your wife that has nothing to do with any OM.

Hang in there. If you can find "Crimson"s thread around here, he and his w separated and I THINK their divorce was finalized before they reconciled.

Check his out. There was no OM in the picture though I think they both eventually dated OPs.