FWIW, I asked my kids how they'd feel if I were to date. My s30 "would strongly encourage me to date as soon as I'm ready", d19 seems enthused and d28 is less vocal, but offered to help me write my online profile.
I believe our kids do not want to worry about us, but they do worry. In my case I know some of that is about my health issues.
But I THINK some of it is b/c they want to know that h has not "won"...(that is my take on it). They express how unfair they believe the divorce is, and how unfair the marriage was. They see h dating quite openly (and he's really public about it)
I remind them that while I may not be dating yet, that does not mean I'm stuck or waiting, and if I begin dating now, it does not mean I have moved forward and all is great.
I want to live alone for awhile and learn about myself. This is the first time I've been all alone and (it's not all bad, btw. In fact I rather like it).
But I am making choices and decisions ONLY related to me and what I want. No kids involved, no h, just ME, 25.
How are you handling all of that? What are your kids saying, otherwise?
What is it you fear that they feel? They have seen this for awhile.
H dating IMMEDIATELY after we (well, let's face it, he "dated" before we sep) seems weird as heck to me.
I mean, when I take my ego out of it, (which ain't easy) and stand back and view it objectively, I can say that if any friend of mine - male or female, at the age of 60, and right after (during) a 35 year m is ending,
posted publicly all about how HAPPY they are and they met the "love of their life", etc.
i would view it negatively. I would not believe that it was all going to work out well. It would lower my opinion of their maturity, I believe. And I would pity their kids...
But OTOH, when I meet someone who has not dated at all, even years after a sep or divorce, I can see their kids worrying that they are stuck. OR waiting.
And in my kids world, since I already took h back 10 years ago, their worry is more likely to be that I'd wait around for h to "wake up." I sometimes suspect there is a good chance h thinks I'll wait "just in case his dreams don't all come true. any chance your kids WANT you to date? Can you just broach the topic with them?
Adinva, they want you to be happy. That's a fair assumption, right?
How do you think they envision you being happy, eventually?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
