And What is your dilemma at the moment? What question are you asking? Is it HOW to divorce or whether you should D, or what?
Because a huge tenet underlying all of DB is that we cannot change our spouses,
you must Assume your h will not change. There is a lot of evidence that he won't.
Sometimes I question if I should divorce. Most times lately, I realize it's for the best. So really, I think of how it will effect the kids. How devastated they would be. How their lives would change. How mine would change. Will I be able to find a good job? What if doing too much makes me sick again? Will I be able to make ends meet?
Please Please don't make the same mistake I made, which was only to see things that validated my choice to stay.
Needed to hear that!
Please do not pretend there are only downsides to a divorce.
To be clear, I am pro marriage. But not at all costs. From your descriptions & History, your h has never been good to you. Your m has never met your needs.
He is not good to you now. You have said your h is mentally ill, (& has a substance abuse problem?) and he cheats repeatedly.
He had a substance abuse problem before he went to the military. He has been free of that since early 2006. I think this has to do with why I've went a long way with him. I thought if he could leave something as tough as that behind, he could straighten up other areas of his life and stick with it.
So at best, he is emotionally abusive. Locks the kids in hotel rooms...and won't get help.
I see no reason to expect improvement from him.
(On the contrary, I would guess that he'll decline more. Factor THAT possibility in, and what your kids learn from this dynamic.
Homeschooling can be lovely but think about what ELSE they are learning...
my greatest regret in reconciling, is that my kids learned a lot about what NOT to do...
so I didn't end up with an improved h OR m
AND I did not end up with another man who could have modeled a healthy marriage for my kids.
Not to mention my own needs not being met, for a long time.
So if there is to be NO change in your h,
What then?
Food for thought, that's for sure. And I surely don't want to stick around and find out. I believe moving on is better for us. I guess I'm concurred about all the changes and I don't want it to cause depression or worse in my children. [/quote]
