Don- I can guarantee you he was all in this and not me just hoping he was. Like I said, I was kind of weirded out at first by it. Never happened before. Always planning things in the future, calling our relationship "serious" Spending as much time with me as we could. Calling whenever he got a chance during the day, always calling to say good night. Good morning texts, calls on the way to work. letting me know every detail of his day. (without me eliciting this info) talking about future stuff. Vacation. Wedding date invites. Wanting me to spend the day with him and his nephew. making sure I got home safe all the time. Telling me "I am his" he could be jealous and I think he was a little thrown off I don't get jealous.
Well, I'm not sure you could have made your point more clear than this. Without a doubt, he was pursuing you. At most you increased it a bit more but let's just take that off the table - just based on what he did, what else would you think? It's pretty obvious.
Which, then brings me back to him - FF himself. Love avoidants will do this. They will come on hard like this and then back off. Thing is, I don't think he's love avoidant. It's something about him. His ex 42-year-old GF. That hits me hard - more for her. What 42 year old woman seriously dates a 25 yr/o? I mean really? What would they have in common? That just makes no sense to me at all.
I keep coming back to this, ANYONE who comes on that hard and that fast... again, this may just speak to me more than anything, but wow, that's a red flag. I guess it may happen once in a blue moon. I know of people who meet someone and later say, "I knew the night I met him I'd marry him." Yet, she dates him for two years to be sure. How can you really know someone within weeks or a month. How can you really be "in love" that fast. In lust yes, but truly in love? I know I just cannot. Things that burn that hot that fast most always burn out that fast.
I guess if you change anything, it's that. And that's what many here have said - all of this takes time. I am getting how caught up you were with this guy. I get it. But it takes two. There are other women who would have said, "whoa buddy, all of these gifts on Valentines Day is a bit much." It was the dynamic between the two of you. The piece that does not surprise me is that he was out as fast as he was in. I think you see that now. He went from zero to 60 in a short time - therefore he went from 60 to 0 in a short time.
If nothing else, it's becoming more and more clear to me, this falls to FF and not to you. You could have done things differently but I don't think he was playing games, I don't think you misread, for whatever reason, he just is rather impulsive and doesn't think things completely through. That's on him.
As for the dynamics of firefighters, yeah, this is a whole other area. It's like so juvenile with these guys. It's a different culture. I did not fit that mold at all - not even close. Then again, I was much more in the volunteer culture than the union full-time, but yeah, talk about high school or college kids that never grew up - that's the typical firefighter. It just is.
I'll close with this. There is something else coming yet. I feel it. Will you hear of/learn of it or not? Who knows. He's just not done being impulsive or doing things the way he does them. He's likely not done surprising you. When he does, I honestly just hope you don't hear about it as it will pss you off and depress you even more. I think there is so much more under his layers that you never got to peel back. Actually, I'm betting you won't argue with that point now. It's not what people say near as much as what they do. We have to watch what they do - not what they say. He said he was all in, loved it all, wanted it all, had plans for the future. And he may well have - at that moment. The next day, it all changed in his head. That's immaturity among other things.
Keep hanging in there my friend. I keep telling everyone "I just want to meet and date a normal woman!" Something tells me you are saying the same about a normal man!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
It's not what people say near as much as what they do. We have to watch what they do - not what they say. He said he was all in, loved it all, wanted it all, had plans for the future. And he may well have - at that moment. The next day, it all changed in his head. That's immaturity among other things.
