Of COURSE I have second thoughts. I swore to spend my life with this woman. That she hurt me brutally doesn't change my perception that there is a tiny hole in my heart that will never be filled because it's shaped exactly like her. Nothing else will ever fit there. Someone else will fit into a different place in my heart some day, but not that place.
If I went back, it would be for all the wrong reasons. It would be my inner Nice Guy doing what he always does. I fight against his dumb ass EVERY DAMN DAY. Sometimes he wins, and when he does, it causes me NOTHING but huge amounts of pain.
W doesn't want me enough to get rid of OM (she finally admitted the EA with OM1 and EA/PA with Florida. I still don't have all the truth, but I have enough truth for me to finally let that go). She wanted to keep both of us.
I still love her. Always will. I made that choice. What she does doesn't affect that. But I'm going to love her as my daughter's mother, and not my wife. I really do want to be friends with her again, someday. I want our daughter to have, if not an intact family, at least a pair of parents that love and respect each other, even if they don't want to be with each other.
I swore to spend my life with this woman. That she hurt me brutally doesn't change my perception that there is a tiny hole in my heart that will never be filled because it's shaped exactly like her. Nothing else will ever fit there. Someone else will fit into a different place in my heart some day, but not that place. 