Ouch...and, that kind of speaks for itself. This really is a pattern for her.
So it's up to YOU to break your pattern and now, you have a great chance for it.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yesterday was W's last day at work and she went out with co-workers afterwards.
I had my IC appointment and then went home, had dinner, and was in bed by the time W got home.
She crawled into my bed and laid her head on my chest and started sobbing. She literally soaked the sheets with her tears. When she started to regain her composure, she kissed me and we ended up having sex.
It doesn't change anything. She's still leaving in a few days. She keeps telling me that I'm her "person" and that she loves me so much. This is quite the 180 from when she was spewing and stomping around the house.
I dont know what to think or feel anymore. I think I've sort of gone numb. Trying to make sense of it all has been my downfall.
She crawled into my bed and laid her head on my chest and started sobbing. She literally soaked the sheets with her tears. When she started to regain her composure, she kissed me and we ended up having sex.
Thornton, this makes me angry for you. Didn't she recently suggest one last roll in the hay and you turned her down saying that you didn't think it would be good for you?
Then she does this anyway? You "ended up" having sex because she got in your bed and that's what she wanted from you.
I feel like she doesn't respect your boundaries, as if her feelings and wants are the only ones that matter. Also, I feel like she did that to reassure herself that you were still attached to her, or at least now you would be.
She sure prioritizes herself, huh?
I guess it's not so bad if you can see it for what it was and not be too set back by it. ... Can you?
She crawled into my bed and laid her head on my chest and started sobbing. She literally soaked the sheets with her tears. When she started to regain her composure, she kissed me and we ended up having sex.
Thornton, this makes me angry for you. Didn't she recently suggest one last roll in the hay and you turned her down saying that you didn't think it would be good for you?
Then she does this anyway? You "ended up" having sex because she got in your bed and that's what she wanted from you.
I feel like she doesn't respect your boundaries, as if her feelings and wants are the only ones that matter. Also, I feel like she did that to reassure herself that you were still attached to her, or at least now you would be.
She sure prioritizes herself, huh?
I guess it's not so bad if you can see it for what it was and not be too set back by it. ... Can you?
It's funny because when she was crying, I was thinking to myself what her real intentions were. In the past, I would have automatically assumed it was because she loved me.
But as real as her tears were, I was still hesitant in believing everything at face value. I still am.
I really don't know what her intentions are. She keeps talking about a future together and I am remaining completely neutral when she asks me about it. I just tell her I can only focus on today.
I can't distinguish if she is having real regret, or if she is simply setting me up to be a backup plan.
My self esteem has taken a beating in the last few months so I'm having a hard time trusting my feelings/instincts about things.
The good news is that I'm aware of my pattern now ^^^. I dont know how to remedy it, but I know my thoughts/actions are being driven by my emotions. I need to step back and think about this objectively.
You do not suck at this. You are dealing with a very hard to deal with situation.
This of reverse DB. Think of her as DBing you. You don't believe any of this, because there is no time and consistency in her actions.
If there is true regret she will do her 180's, she will respect your boundaries and not only be regretful because she isn't getting what she wants. If she is regretful, I believe she will do the work she needs to do because she is not well. If not for you, if not for her, I hope she does it for her daughter.
[quote=Thornton]I've been thinking about this all morning long.
It's funny because when she was crying, I was thinking to myself what her real intentions were. In the past, I would have automatically assumed it was because she loved me.
But as real as her tears were, I was still hesitant in believing everything at face value. I still am.
I really don't know what her intentions are. She keeps talking about a future together and I am remaining completely neutral when she asks me about it. I just tell her I can only focus on today. I can't distinguish if she is having real regret, or if she is simply setting me up to be a backup plan. I think you know the answer to ^^this, and it really hurts to admit it. -
At at minimum, your gf clearly wants you as a back up plan and her tears were for the fear she has that she might Later regret leaving - but she is still leaving.
That's what she is DOING and whatever else happens, the leaving is what matters.
My self esteem has taken a beating in the last few months so I'm having a hard time trusting my feelings/instincts about things. she knows this^^^
The good news is that I'm aware of my pattern now ^^^. I dont know how to remedy it, but I know my thoughts/actions are being driven by my emotions. I need to step back and think about this objectively.
I really suck at this.
I don't think you suck at this. I think the revelations you have had are among the hardest. When people tell me that my h is a narcissist or a lying cheat, it doesn't really make me feel good at all.
Makes me feel like "what's wrong with ME that I'd choose/be with h?" We also want to believe the best of our partners b/c we love them.
When we are faced with the brutal reality that we are & have been badly treated, it stings even more.
Because a part of us knows that now, seeing them more clearly, makes it so much LESS likely that we will ever reconcile. Because now we see the truth.
Sometimes the best way to "win" at this poker game is to fold, cut losses and play somewhere else OR walk away from the table and see what else life offers.
If your gf has a spectacular awakening, & wants to have a healthy r, and if you are ready to do the same, THEN you can cross that bridge.
You can hope for that at this point, but don't expect it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
While I'm sure she has feelings for you, in the past, have those tears prevented her from leaving? Have they caused her to value what she has in you? Or are they a tool that she knows she can use to secure you for however long she wants you?
I hope you don't take offense to that. It says nothing about your overall worth; I think she is very invested in herself and getting what she wants. And you know she wants Thornton as a backup plan right now?
So, are you someone's plan B? Or do you deserve better than that? Do you deserve someone - whether it is W or someone else - to treasure every day she has with you?
Right now, she sees you as her safety net and we all know you're much more than that. And you deserve someone - W or someone else - who chooses to be with you every single day.
She could stop this if she wanted it. Sure, she'd lose face with others (coworkers, family), but she could choose that. She's not choosing it, so continue prioritizing your well being. And what's best for you is to detach from her as best as you can.
Thank you all for your posts. I am really fighting my instincts that have always gotten me in trouble.
Just received a text from W:
I am overwhelemd with the way I am feeling. I do not regret last night and I hope you don't. This is all such a mess. But I have to remain raw. And as I have said you are tatooed on my heart and I remain hopeful for the future in what feels like an impossible situation right now. (sad emoticon face).
