UR- your post seriously made me cry. But not in a bad way. I can't tell you how comforting it is when someone "gets" you.

He was hesitant to tell me about his exGF because he was afraid I was going to think older moms was his "thing". He did share early on though. he cared about the kid. His GF however was very controlling and jealous and he couldn't take it anymore. He did admit, he liked the whole "family" thing. I remember that spurring into a convo about how the family and future thing is so enticing, I have been enticed by it before, but I realize you really have to love the person you are with as an individual to make that whole family thing work. He did tell me "plus, she was too old (42) to have more kids and I wanted kids"

he needs to stop repeating this pattern. I could see him date a young single mother with a young kid who can have more. But really, he needs to be careful.

When my ex left me, I was so terrified to look within. I was so afraid of what I might find there. But I realized the worst happened, my husband left me for another woman, so its time to dig deep, there could be no horrible consequence. I guess I just kept digging. There are things in life that are must-haves for me too. I figure if I keep doing that inner work, I'll get closer. I take it a little too far. I began writing about how I might be hard to love and why..... then I realized I'm doing it again.

What it comes down to: I am a lovable long-term person for the right one. I loved my ex even though he treated me awfully. I cared for on a different level for the first guy I sort of dated but we became a very important part of each others lives in a different way. I made my man mistakes...... I Loved exNG even though he couldn't give anything to me. I loved FF for what he did give me, what we gave each other and for exactly who he was. I couldn't be more sad he gave it up in the blink of an eye and just exited me and D9's life without looking back. I'm going to believe his reasons for now, and the believe he did care and had strong feelings for me and that he has to deal with his demons because he's got them.

I am also going to believe everything truly happens for a reason. I am going to keep on believing bigger better doors are going to open for me and I am getting closer to my goal, even when it feels farther away