Wow, these posts. Thank you for the insight and helping me through my feelings.
Don- I can guarantee you he was all in this and not me just hoping he was. Like I said, I was kind of weirded out at first by it. Never happened before. Always planning things in the future, calling our relationship "serious" Spending as much time with me as we could. Calling whenever he got a chance during the day, always calling to say good night. Good morning texts, calls on the way to work. letting me know every detail of his day. (without me eliciting this info) talking about future stuff. Vacation. Wedding date invites. Wanting me to spend the day with him and his nephew. making sure I got home safe all the time. Telling me "I am his" he could be jealous and I think he was a little thrown off I don't get jealous.
A big thing, and you may understand as a FF is that they are the biggest ballbusters ever. It's like hazing and he has his one full year on the job Saturday. In that first year they try to break you down (this is career, paid FF in the ghetto). He told me on the first date how he lets them know absolutely nothing about his personal life no matter how much they try to break him down. he is a stone wall. Well, he let them know all about me. he spoke of me often as his girlfriend. Even showed them pictures of me on FB. That was a HUGE deal for him.
So yeah, this guy was into me, into us as a couple. Then one day he was not. One day he decided he wants different things for his future, cut me off via text and after being in my life almost every hour of the day, may it be via text, he exited out completely. So, hence my trying to make sense of this crap.
I am indeed hurt he went from being a big part of my life to know part of my life like it was nothing. Is he just going about his business not thinking of me? I have no clue? I questioned if there was an other woman. No. Like I said, I knew everything about every hour of the day.
What do I know? He was struggling big time for a month. He expressed so much discontent for things not going the way he wants. For his business to not be the way he wants and how he doesn't want to be a business owner anymore. He wants to learn a new trade and all this stuff. he is so stressed. Other people get what they want without working for it. lot so jealousy of others. lots of frustration he wasn't where he wanted to be. Admitted lots anger and frustration over this.
I think one day he saw me as a barrier to the future he really wants. And I was something he had control over. Our future was yet another frustrating situation but I was one he could easily be rid of. So, he eliminated a stressor. But all along I thought I was a positive in his life, not a negative.
Yes, the other woman was one of the two who were very hot on his a$$. Not the muffin one who admitted her jealousy, but another instructor at the gym who began to ignore me, make a big deal over my child, and point him out during class all the time and challenge me to do hard stuff in class (which I always took and always kicked its butt, I am in good shape). HE couldn't stand her. The final straw was our last class when we came together and she wouldn't even look or talk to us. If this is the one he is after, yeah, I am pissed.
it kills me. He knew these two women wanted him. he had no clue I was interested in him. I wasn't even really at first. I thought he was cute, but too young, so I didn't give it a second thought. He had some fertile younger unattached single women wanting him, yet he went for me.
I am long winded because this is all stuff that goes through my mind. But I am realizing I just can't make sense of it. it is simply over now. I am hurt and confused how someone shuts off feelings like that and disappears. But trying to understand it will only have me spinning in circles.
