Trying to stay above water

[LiM]

Good question,

Until you let go of the M, you won't truly be free to work on you. So long as you are pining for the M, you aren't doing as much work on yourself as you could be doing. First and foremost, you've got to take care of Henwen.

In your first post, you wrote how your pursuing and inability to let go of the M is only pushing him further away. He's telling you that he is done and wants nothing to do with the M. ANYTHING you do that gets in his way of what he thinks he wants right now will only aggravate him and push him further away. So stop doing that. Give him what he thinks he wants. By letting him go, you dramatically take the pressure off the situation and a cool down period can begin. If you spend this time working on you, your H will see that not only are you just fine without him, in fact, you have become a BETTER person. THAT is very attractive!

Look, my W was having an A. After we began reconciling, she told me that she was irritated that I didn't pursue her. But in the same breath, then told me that if I had, it would have only served to push her further away. It would have been smothering to her because she was checked out of the M. I had to give her space and let her dig herself deeper and deeper into the hole she was making for her life. Is was only in that misery that she was able to begin seeing the changes I had made for myself to be a better person and how horrible the choices were that she was making for her life.

Drop the rope. Let him go and work on YOU!