Where to begin?

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you. I'll look into that!

((( Oh Trees! )))

I read both books. In your case, maybe the Div Remedy would have more specifics but reading both cannot hurt.

You must accept a basic premise of DB, which says

You cannot change your h. You can only change yourself.

HOW do you want to change yourself? In what ways?

And What is your dilemma at the moment? What question are you asking? Is it HOW to divorce or whether you should D, or what?

Because a huge tenet underlying all of DB is that we cannot change our spouses,

you must Assume your h will not change. There is a lot of evidence that he won't.

Please Please don't make the same mistake I made, which was only to see things that validated my choice to stay.

Please do not pretend there are only downsides to a divorce.

To be clear, I am pro marriage. But not at all costs. From your descriptions & History, your h has never been good to you. Your m has never met your needs.

He is not good to you now. You have said your h is mentally ill, (& has a substance abuse problem?) and he cheats repeatedly.

So at best, he is emotionally abusive. Locks the kids in hotel rooms...and won't get help.

I see no reason to expect improvement from him.

(On the contrary, I would guess that he'll decline more. Factor THAT possibility in, and what your kids learn from this dynamic.

Homeschooling can be lovely but think about what ELSE they are learning...

my greatest regret in reconciling, is that my kids learned a lot about what NOT to do...

so I didn't end up with an improved h OR m

AND I did not end up with another man who could have modeled a healthy marriage for my kids.

Not to mention my own needs not being met, for a long time.

So if there is to be NO change in your h,

What then?