Hey Kaizen, - I use this board to vent when I'm stuck in my own head. It helps me to type things out and then take a step back to re-read them. I understand this^^ quite well. Sometimes it takes the written word for us to step back and see things objectively. What are you getting from it? What message or lesson?
My entire life is changing this Saturday. I will lose not only my W but D as well that I've raised as my own since she was 3 years old. To me, it's the end of the world.
You can stay in touch with your stepdaughter. You will still have a relationship with her if you want to .
This is not the end of the world. It concerns me that you would use those words.
Thinking it's the end of the world is "catastrophic thinking", or "all or nothing".
It's not productive or healthy and it's also not accurate. You were not in a healthy marriage. You can see your stepdaughter and you can certainly stay in touch.
Sorry Thornton. I know this sounds brutal and blunt.
But when someone leaves you 3 times in 5 years, it's hard to imagine the great times as being much more than brief blips of "no trauma/drama" time in between...
Be objective Thornton. Take that step back and read what we are telling you and what you are saying...
Thornton, I Know this "is so hard". Trust me there. I get it.
I've been m to my h 2/3 of my life. I did all the heavy lifting in the M for the past decade.
But you must change the message you are giving yourself.
"This is an opportunity for me to grow as a man. I must do this work."
"I will not let someone else determine how my life goes. I am in charge of how my life goes."
None of her behavior is different or new. The WORDING might be different, but the actions are all that matters.
She's leaving. Like most of us, You just have to cope with that.
Please start increasing your contact with your older d. Show her that she is valuable to you. *If I were your older d, and saw you moping so much about your "end of the world" it would scare me and it would hurt my feelings. As if she is not enough.
Be her rock. Be your rock.
Please don't stay stuck. Your d is watching you.
She will look at your behavior now, for how to handle the inevitable rejection and heartbreak she will someday face in life.
Join me in making a new path forward.
It's a trajectory we did not want, but which we must accept.
It's reality - and it's Not the end of the world. It's the beginning of the rest of our lives. This is not a dress rehearsal. As far as I know, It's the only life we are given.
I plan on making the most of mine. How about you?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
