I do seem to find a lot of women like you in the dating world
but wanted to absorb the rest of your message because I'm here trying to learn how not to be like whatever "a lot of women" might be doing wrong. And what better place than this to ask such vulnerable questions?!
Somehow 25 years ago I was a girl who would choose to be with and marry a guy who wasn't that into her, and push nicer guys away, because I was that uncomfortable with real feelings. My H's decision to leave me after 18 years of marriage prompted me to explore for the first time why I was like that, and how to do better for myself in life. Sometimes now that 6 years have passed, I catch myself regressing and get frustrated that I haven't really changed at all. At least when I slip up, I realize at some point that I did, and I try to rectify it - so at least that much is improved.
Avoiding hard conversations and complicated feelings is exactly why I let this guy halfway in 25 years ago, and it's easy to fall back in that pattern but I don't want to do that.
BUT - as you point out Don, this is just a first date, not even a relationship, and it doesn't need to be all or nothing. I don't need to push him away just because I don't want to pick out china patterns with him. I wish I could just have fun and not make everything so serious.
Getting to know men outside the safety net of being married is very alien and complicated to me. I appreciate the candid feedback.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
