The high road: rocky with a great view

[ciluzen]

Bttrfly, Sotto, Coly, Ownit, HaWho...thanks for stopping in to check on me!

The house is coming together slowly. I'm not sure how to get contractors over here quicker to do bids on work, but it has rained so much this year, everyone is backed up. I'm just impatient because I want to have an idea of costs before I decide what I can afford. I really need insulation and paint, but the last people to upgrade the home covered up attic access so I need a new access to insulate, and some cosmetic work on the siding before paint (woodpecker attack, apparently). Bluhhh. I seem to be being thrown into situations where patience is a must...so something is trying to tell me I need to practice that!

Speaking of patience...here's my MLCer update and observations. I went to the mechanic's to drop my car and XH did show up to pick me up and do the truck exchange. Even called to tell me he was almost there as he was a few minutes late. He looked nice and I told him so...even reached out and ran a finger along the side of his head remarking on his short hair. Freshly cut, according to him (the touch was for me, but brought forth a smile...so, hey- I'm not going to kick myself over it!). We chatted a bit before he asked if I had plans immediately and suggested we go for a beer. So we did. And appetizers. We talked...At first just catching up on our kids. Then stuff. I was a bit chatty about my life right now because, surprisingly (and so not his norm since BD) he seemed interested. But listened a lot to him and he was much more forthcoming with speaking about things. Much easier and lots of eye contact ...and smiles.

We talked about his mom and how she is progressing through the stages of Alzheimer's and how she is angry most of the time at his dad, even though she doesn't remember why. This opened up a whole can of observations of how he grew up and what he was exposed to due to his parent's relationship...a father who created and believed in a fantasy marriage of love and devotion and a mother who tore him down to everyone and outwardly expressed anger with his father much of the time...sometimes even physically. His dad seemed to carry "fake it till you make it" to the extreme, and still does. I even told him, "I always saw your family as kind of living a Brady Bunch family life and was fascinated by it. I liked that about you all as a family". He explained that they kind of were much of the time, but that other stuff existed, too. It must have been hard to deal with that contradiction of outward appearances and how it really was. I wonder how much he feared that I felt toward him like his mom felt toward his dad?

It was a very good conversation. We talked about so many things...so many subjects. I instigated leaving the restaurant and later getting out of the truck at his apartment...I think he would have gone on more. I initiated a hug as he turned to leave, as well. As I was pulling out of his apartment complex, I glanced over and he was paused on the stairs watching me leave still.

I'm good, right now. I'm processing this interaction this morning. It had a different feel to it than our other meetings. Easier? I almost felt like two people on a second date...trying to know each other but no real flirting. Processing, though. I'll try not to get that low feeling that usually follows an interaction. And expectations at 0. I'm still not locking my knees...and I'm busy going 10 directions at once!