Is it Midlife Crisis, Walkaway Spouse or the End?

[25yearsmlc]

i have not initiated relationship talk and she has neither. Although hard to believe were not married, but common law - therefore there is no formal filing etc for divorce

are you in the US? Regardless, was there a reason you never married? I only ask that b/c some women (and probably some men) feel less committed to OR from their partners without a ring.

Especially when there are children involved too.

Also, I'm no longer a big fan of the term "MLC" versus "WAS" although it matters on occasion.

I realize you are noting that there were changes in her other behaviors, so you assume the MLC

but those changes would also come from someone trying to justify a life change.

As for a parent's death, I've lost both mine and h lost him mom in 2010. Despite how shocked I was by both of my parents' deaths, which came without much or any warning, I do know it's "supposed" to happen. I do realize this is a normal life event.
Besides, I felt closer to h when my parents died.

In our case I don't think the death of his mom played a role. I could be wrong, of course.

As for depression "always" being a factor...well, perhaps. Maybe my H is depressed but frankly, he just seemed meaner to me and more resentful.

And you'd have to believe that every MLCer is depressed ==== as opposed to who? The WAS is probably not thrilled with leaving a family behind either.

So isn't depression probably common there too? Guess I'm not convinced that depression is a diagnostic tool. Nor that we'd always be able to tell.

My h was mad I didn't want to join him in Alaska for round 3, and when he didn't get his way, he pouted and resented. He kept things bottled up for a long time. Then his seething resentments led to him justifying some pretty lousy behaviors.

Is ^^that "depression" or justification, or aggression?

Does it matter?

I think our focus must be on their actions and how much of it we can take and for how long? Not "why??"...

b/c if a man punches his wife in the nose, do we really need to care if it's bc he was abused as a child, or he's a drunk or a raging anger man?

No. We care that his wife is being hit. She must leave...if he has a spectacular transformation and wants a recon, she can cross that bridge when she gets to it...

We must focus on OUR lives and our paths and our choices...not theirs.

I spent over a year of my life asking whether my h was in MLC or whatever else you'd call it when a guy who used to like being with the kids, suddenly chose an adventure over being with them...and has done so, again. I spent so much time asking "Why??"

and it's a year I'll never get back.

Anyhow, I also read that Your dad passed away quite recently and so, my condolences. It is a sad thing to lose a parent. I'm sorry.

As for your options and path to choose, unlike your take on "different" opinions. I don't see much difference in your approach I think your approach really does not vary depending on whether she is in MLC or a WAS. You have to GAL and DETACH (and really, I don't know a way to detach without GAL).

Perhaps your question is more about whether there is hope and if so, how much.

But we cannot know. I don't know enough about your history or what SHE would say if she were here. Or how she has reacted to any of your changes. SOMETIMES I think changes are easier to notice with some time apart. Like weight loss, it's easier to see if you have been apart a few months, than if you are there every day.

But I also know that time apart has its own disadvantages.

I think 6 months isn't very long but I could not manage a "weekends off" lifestyle knowing my spouse was dating, for very long at all.

Bad enough knowing he's dating OW but at least they are 2000 miles away.

So, what can you tell us about your plan, if things end up splitting?

And why is it you never married?

And what would she say if she were here? Is any of valid?

Keep posting.