Wife wants divorce, but hasn't said divorce

[jason35]

I know it's been a few days, and I have more to write, but here are some responses.

And can you tell us what you think HER life is like when you come home?

I certainly gave her a break as she needed with our son. I did my best to do as many chores as possible so that she didn't have to do them. I did all the grocery shopping so she didn't have to try to do it with our son. I did most of the cooking for a period of time. Every night I made sure the dishwasher was run and the coffee set up for the next day. I'm not saying I did everything and anything, but I made an effort to do a lot to ease the burden for her. But what I have missed on was doing the other stuff, leading the family in other ways: what we were doing on weekends, what was next for our family, our relationship, etc.

Sometimes being "too passive" is code for saying you let your wife do all the heavy lifting in the M.

Yes, this is true. I am in therapy, and have come to better understand why I let this happen and have been working on it as much as possible. It's difficult to work on it with her while we are now separated and she keeps talking about meeting with mediators.

Because disclosure builds intimacy.

Yes, this makes so much sense. One issue my wife recently complained to me about was my communication. I hold so much in, and it drives her nuts. It has driven us here. I hold it in because I fear exposing my authentic self because it feels so dangerous, and I don't know what will happen when I do. In therapy and the work I have done I have come to realize how it all started in my childhood and I'm doing my best to fix it, but again it is so hard to reveal myself to her when she is rejecting me in the ultimate way right now. But I do know I have to find a way.