A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

Ok, so a fairly hectic weekend. Sunday we had 2 lengthy conversations.

The first one was after I overheard W talking with D about scheduling a dr's appointment on Monday. I asked that W let me know what time it was. She pushed back, saying that the dr's office was too small for all of us to fit in, etc. D was eating breakfast and W came over and asked me to step into the garage to discuss.

She says "you can't just demand to go to Ds appointments like that. I said I'm sorry you heard it that way but I asked could you please just let me know what time the appointment is. She said yes, but you would have just shown up and thought that was ok. Look, I don't hate you. I'm not angry with you anymore, I'm just sad. It's about what's best for her not what's best for us. I've let go of a lot of the controlling behavior I had. I don't want to be the primary care person anymore. Never once over the past ten years did you ever offer to do stuff like this or ask questions about it. There were times where she was really sick and you never even called to check on her. It's been ten years and I just can't do this anymore. I'm too sad. (She starts crying) We can't all physically fit in the doctors office. We can split all these appointments going forward but until we sit down with D, with a plan for how the split looks, we can't change things that have been in place for ten years. I don't know if you think this is some kind of advantage for you or what." I tell W that this is one of our problems. She is dictating to me how things will be. She says she is not dictating but it needs to be this way until we have a plan. She says you keep pushing things back and we can't tell all this to D until we have a plan. At this point we are both teared up. She says you should go back inside and eat your breakfast. She stays out there. When she comes back in I ask her if she's ok. She snaps back “of course I'm not”.

Additionally, she mentioned that we will have a cat and the cat will move back and forth bt our places.

That was in the morning. A little later in the day I sent her a message while I was out at the grocery store and she was dropping D off at a friends, asking to speak to her for 5 minutes. So we both meet back at the house. I spent this conversation listening and not speaking. Only validating.

Told her that the MC talk on Friday night had caught me off guard. She says what do you mean. And I say it surprised me. I tell her if there is any chance that we can stay together, if there is any way she sees we can be together, i'd like to hear how that would work. She says no, our R was done 4 years ago. We talk for about 40 minutes and she highlights our R was done when I told her to just deal with it when she told me she had post partem depression. she went into how in a R you are supposed to love, listen, and respect you partner and I've never had her back. Not with my family. Not in a group of friends. She talked about how with her dad dying and her brother and and her hanging out at the funeral home they realized how not normal their childhood had been. She sees D suffering through the same thing and does not want Dto end up like her, unfeeling, not wanting affection, etc. she says that by S we are removing all of this bad influence from D and giving her a chance to see what a real R is like.

She says that I have not changed over the past year. I've been nice to her the past 2 weeks but that's it. She says that I let anger drive me last summer and I threatened to take her child away from her. She says she never would threaten to take D away from me. She never has and never would because of how much that'd hurt her. She says she spent the past year here bc she was afraid I'd take her to court and forcibly take D away from her. She said she doesn't want to be the parents who won't talk to each other at the school play. We could have fixed this if we tried to years ago but it's been broken since before D was born. We haven't talked to each other in 5 years. We haven't communicated on anything. Normal couples do things together, go places together, etc. we never did that. There's no point in trying to fix something that doesn't exist anymore. We never had a real R to begin with.

She asks why I'd want to fix something that isn't there. I start to give an answer but she keeps going. She says she wants to get through the next few weeks with D and let her have an amazing summer. Please don't start any drama by coming in and trying to change things. She says she has let go of her anger over the past week. She's moved past it. She says she will work from home this summer and start to look for a job mid summer. Let D have the option of where she sleeps and who she sees each day. W doesn't care if that's me as long as D is happy. She says it's normal for a kid to want to do stuff with their mom. They are bonded together. We will get a cat and the cat can go back and forth with D bt our two places. D and I can go to the beach without W and have a great time. She tells me to just think about it. she didn't do this bc she hates me. She didn't do this to bring some other man up here. She realized a week ago on her birthday that she can't stop me from doing something mean. That I'd forced her into this situation the past year. If I'm going to do something mean to her now she's realized that's ok. But please don't do anything mean to d and realize how that'll turn d against me if I do it to w. This could be so easy. Please just think about it.

She says that she wasn't being shady in listing the house for sale. It just happened to work out this way. She's very happy that this is happening, but again it was a coincidence that the whole thing went down like this.

She says that after we S if I want D to be in IC then we can do that. If I think that her and I should see someone for MC after that then we can do that too. She says I'm sorry I talked the whole time. I've got to go to the store and get D.

As she's going, I tell her the reason I want to fight for this is bc I love her and I love our family. She says to me that She thinks now is a perfect time for meto step back and realize i don't know what that means before i get into another situation that's going to end the same way.

So, here we are. I'm starting to look at apartments. W told me the one she has lined up is in the school zone for D's middle school, but looking online it is not. She seems so ill prepared for this. So now i'll need to make the decision if I live "in her neighborhood" or put a little distance bt us. I think I'm leaning towards the distance piece as I can't envision seeing her with someone else in the future. Would be bad for my moving on from this. Plus I think it allows W to continue controlling me, though she has said she's given up on her anger and control issues.

Additionally, I'm wondering if W isn't rushing me to tell D so that she could possibly go out of town this weekend for the long weekend and see OM, or some other OM she's picked up since this thing started. Who knows. Lots of dark paths swarming through my brain today.

All I can control is me. So i'll push forward like W is not going to be around in the future. Find a fun place for D and I to live. Tell W that there's room for her there if she chooses that.

It [censored] having to assume that your W is playing you to get to some outcome she has predetermined, but right now I'd put that as a definite possibility.