Round 2, Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)

[Tryin2figuritout]

Well, I've been waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and I think the financial one just did this morning. We've been trading some info about our finances and talking child support numbers.

All has been decent discussions, but I think the light bulb went off this morning on how hard it will be as a single parent for her. I've been the main breadwinner and my W has been primarily a SAHM for our M. She started a job in the early fall that pays her very well for her experience and she's outstanding at it. Only issue is her boss can be a real jerk and I could see her quit or be fired because of his actions. She knows she would not make as much in a similar role if she found one.

We discussed that she would keep the house and I'm totally fine with that. This is the house she bought with help from her dad 4 years ago when we separated. She then was talking about saving up for the down payment and I had to remind her about our finances and how we'd be separated financially. None of my credit cards, no access to our joint account (where my paycheck goes - she has her own account for her job), etc. There was a pause and she said she had to go.

A co-worker of mine asked me last week if she flips out because of finances and comes back would I want her. His point was because it would be from finances and not be for me. It was a painful question, but one that I've thought about. I know her leaving has less to do with me and more to do with her. It has everything to do with her not wanting to be alone in her M, to feel love, intimacy, friendship, etc. Have I done that during the years? Yes, but a pretty horrible job at it.

Why have I done this poorly? I could write a 500 page book on why it seems these days and I'm still learning more on my contributions, issues, fears, etc. that lead us here. That's all I can do is learn and be a better man going forward and you bet your a$$ that's what I'm doing.

Man this road is painful, but I'm learning and growing and that's what I need to do. I started this 4 years ago and basically stopped before I really got going. Not going to happen this time whether I'm with my W or not.

All the best to everyone out there, especially the LBS's.